


Mendacious: Erwin Smith

by PearlDrops



Series: Quisling: Erwin x Reader [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Nazi Germany, Alternate Universe - World War II, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Captivity, Character Death, Death, Desperation, Difficult Decisions, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Freedom, Germany, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Infidelity, Lies, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Mental Anguish, Mental Disintegration, Multiple Partners, Murder, Mystery, Nazis, Parenthood, Partner Betrayal, Past Infidelity, Prisoner of War, Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma, Secrets, Torture, Trauma, True Love, Truth, Wartime, Wartime Romance, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-08-03 20:14:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 40,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16332725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlDrops/pseuds/PearlDrops
Summary: Germany, 1944.Held in captivity for six months, Fraulein finally breaks.Throwing herself at the feet & mercy of the Gestapo, they give her a pardon, on one condition.Fraulein is now at their beck & call.And it's the firing squad that she will answer too, if she refuses.Setting foot back on German soil for the first time in twenty six years, she is returned to the city of her birth, and Erwin's unit.For the game of deceit is far from over & Fraulein must now force the hand of the master mind that first set the SS unit on course to her front door, three years ago.The stakes are high, and she stands to lose more this time around. This time however, she is prepared & will do what needs to be done.Even if it means taking down the ones that she loves.





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

Scanning the neat cursive writing each word was stored to memory. In time the edges were rolled up, a lighter taken from the breast pocket the lid was flipped back. Sparking the wick the blue and orange flame swayed and flickered in the late winter breeze that came through the trains open window.

Thin curly wisps of smoke wrapped around {Name}, the paper and ink burning she stood up when the flames were inches from her fingers. Dropping the burning and ashen letter out the window {Name} watched it twist and flip back down the train, going in the opposite direction to which she was travelling.

Flicking up a thumb the lid of the lighter slapped back with a metallic ring, the small item clenched tightly in her fisted hand {Name}'s mind drifted.

_"If you do this, we shall pardon Kurt Muller's murder."_

The coy and persuasive voice echoed in {Name}'s ears, sending a cold chill down her back.

_"What if I don't?"_

Eyes closing {Name} felt just like she had then. Locked in and cornered.

_"Then you shall be put in front of the firing squad at dawn."_

The smell of tobacco and whisky drifted over her senses, the memory coming alive each time she thought back to it, and the moment she sealed her fate for good.

_"When do I start?"_

A tap at {Name}'s shoulder broke the memory, the distant and hazy image of the spartan room only just beginning to take form, the interruption was well timed.

Twisting to glance over the shoulder {Name} met with the dark and hollowed gaze of her chaperone. The bald head hidden away when the helmet came up from under his arm Keith took a moment to fix it in place "We're here."

Only when Keith spoke did {Name} realise the absence of the trains sway, the loud screeching whistle as the iron giant released steam it momentarily drowned out the sounds of the men dispatching from the carriages.

In their small private carriage {Name} turned from the wintery scene of the window, helmet hooked up from the seat by two fingers she pulled the rifle up onto a shoulder.

Adjusting the strap until it was comfortable {Name} dropped the helmet on her head, a stiff nod given and both Keith and {Name} left the train.

On the platform the men moved down to the storage cart, standing in a line to feed down the fresh supplies being delivered. Between the bursts of steam, {Name} caught their faces, some old and battle-hardened, others still baring a bright, youthful glow, with no idea of what they were about to face.

Moving against the throng of men Keith and {Name} walked in silence to the waiting car. This was the first time in two and a half decades that {Name} had set foot on German soil, and it was a far cry from being nostalgic or homely.

Slamming the door closed behind them {Name} watched the white and brown scenery blur, focusing on nothing in particular until a gentle pat on her thigh brought her attention to the man sat beside her.

 _"How are you feeling?"_ Head straight Keith's intrusive and fear-inducing eyes slanted to meet with {Name}'s, the two adopting the same posture {Name} stared at the back of the driver's head while contemplating the answer to Keith's question.

How did {Name} feel? Sick? Nervous? Angry?

 _"I'm fine."_ Answering curtly {Name} ran fingers through the short bob of hair. Pinned behind the ears by bobby pins, the length cleverly hidden by twisting and tucking it under at the back of her head. It gave the impression it was cut short, but this time around {Name} was permitted to keep her hair long.

A throaty rumble coming from the stern man at her side {Name} turned her head _"I can't feel anything else other than fine,"_ letting the hand fall against the helmet in her lap {Name} traced the small scratches that patterned the metal _"Or this will fall apart before it's even begun."_ Speaking softly {Name} looked back to the window when Keith gave a thoughtful nod.

No longer running past trees, they were entering a town. Houses of varying states flitting by {Name} blocked out the view, it would be some time before they reached Berlin.

A picture slid to {Name}'s side of the table, a long and scarred finger tapping above the man's head.

_"This is Goring, he is..."_

Jolted awake by the car hitting a pothole {Name}'s head knocked sharply at the window frame. It served its purpose and woke {Name} fully.

 

**\+ + + + + +**

 

 _"I guess that saved me a job,"_ Keith sighed, arms folded tightly against his chest his head dipped to look down at {Name} _"We are nearly there,"_ Giving warning of their arrival time drawing close Keith focused on the back of the driver, eyes narrowed and resuming their sharp stare.

Yawning {Name} brushed back the few strands of hair that fell across her face, the helmet slapped in place when the car ground to a halt. Stepping out first {Name} held the door open for Keith, no thanks given by the man {Name} understood they had roles to play, and it was time to assume hers.

Closing the door {Name} fell in step behind Keith, the cold marble steps of the building swept clean of the winter's snow, it did not stop the water freezing in patches, leaving each step a potentially deadly ice rink.

Making it to the top of the stairs without issue Keith's head twisted so that his chin brushed the shoulder of his coat _"Remember, you speak only if spoken too."_ Giving the warning that he'd spent a long time drilling into {Name} on the train a nod of acknowledgement was returned. The older man satisfied, Keith resumed his strong stride.

Allowing herself time to take in the surroundings {Name} found nothing looked the same to how she remembered. This was the city that {Name} was born in, and it felt alien to her.

Gliding through the ornate double doors of the white building {Name} found them to be stood in a long corridor. Red carpet with gold trim stretched up the middle of the white marble floor, spreading out on the grand staircase ten feet or so from them.

Lining the walls was the familiar insignia of the Nazi party. Red, white and black, the strange symbol took centre stage of the flags.

{Name} was well and truly now in the belly of the beast that was the Nazi movement. Prejudiced against the Jewish, Romany and people of coloured skin, it was but a small number on the list of people the Germans sought to eradicate.

A clearing of Keith's throat brought {Name}'s focus to the two men standing in the centre of the staircase before it split and branched off to the left and right.

From their distance {Name} could easily see that one of the men was Goring. The man in command of Germany's Luftwaffe, and the highest ranking military official to date.

On Goring's right, was Erwin. Still dressed proudly in the Schutzstaffel uniform {Name} was informed that he'd also received a promotion, and received an Iron Cross. Though the details of why or how were sketchy at best. That or no one wished to tell her.

The two men looked to be engaged in a dying conversation, Erwin's posture though rigid was equally relaxed. In time the two men held out their hands, a firm shake shared {Name} resisted a laugh when witnessing the men giving the Nazi salute.

Separating on the steps Goring made his way back up, as Erwin came down. Heading straight towards them, {Name} felt her body become stiff and awkward, the rifle on her shoulder suddenly heavy she felt her body tipping to the side.

 _"Stand straight,"_ Whispering sharply Keith fixed himself up before walking down the red carpet, {Name} close behind her jaw set firm, chin pointed and shoulders back.

Within seconds Keith was in talking distance of Erwin, his head twisting to look at the equally imposing and threatening man, it seemed as though the two men were familiar with one another.

 _"Shadis."_ Greeting curtly Erwin extended a gloved hand when Keith gave his own _"Smith."_

There was a curtness to each of their greetings, the two men giving polite nods when their hands were taken back to their sides.

 _"I was told I'd find you here,"_ Keith begun quietly _"Though I must wonder what need the SS has of the general of the Luftwaffe?"_ Accusation ringing loud and clear in Keith's voice, a second of tension spread between the two imposing men.

Still standing in Keith's shadow {Name} kept the brim of the helmet low on her face, allowing only her mouth and chin to be visible from the angle of her head. The action blocking the two in conversation faces from view in doing so.

 _"I was called in to discuss a supply drop to France, as I'm familiar with the terrain,"_ Answering Erwin's voice curtly rumbled with slight amusement at Keith's apparently misplaced suspicion.

Keith's back arched, the almost habitual rolling motion of balancing on his heels coming with Erwin's answer {Name} leant back when Keith did. A few times she'd been caught short by the action, and was knocked over when Keith tilted back.

Feet balanced evenly once more {Name} stepped to Keith's side when he told her to, eyes straight {Name} knew what was now expected of her. With a sharp clap on the shoulder Keith sent her forward, it was time to play her part.

Keith slapped a hand down the back of the helmet on {Name}'s head, tipping it back to reveal her face, but not enough that it fell away.

Eyes opening a fraction wider Erwin made no other visible surprise at {Name}'s appearance, instead of turning to Keith when the man spoke up _"A full pardon was given, with conditions,"_ Lowering his voice, Keith clapped a hand down on {Name}'s shoulder, a firm squeeze gave a wince closed up one of her eyes.

Though facially {Name} looked in good health, beneath the uniform, her skin was marked and scarred. The information stored for over a year in her mind spilling out when {Name} could no longer endure their treatment.

It had taken six months to break her down. Only three to mould her to their desire.

Taking mind of what he'd done Keith removed the hand _"For now, until we have need of her, she is to be returned to your unit,"_ Pushing at the small of {Name}'s back she stepped forward with the motion.

Gazing off to the side {Name} ran her fingers under the rifle strap, a nervous habit she'd grown into throughout her, training.

With a polite nod to Erwin, Keith turned to {Name}, their eyes meeting a rare, and a considerably forced smile spread across his mouth _"Until next time."_

 _"Until next time."_ Returning the sentiment, {Name}, watched as Keith gave Erwin a firm shake of the hand, his broad back given Keith took smooth and controlled steps to depart the building.

Left alone with Erwin a sense of unease stretched between them, neither party speaking for a long time {Name} froze when Erwin finally addressed her.

 _"The Gestapo have need of you?"_ Erwin sounded genuinely surprised, the thick brows lowering over the bright and often cold blue eyes that {Name} at one point hated, but had grown to love.

 _"Something to that effect,"_ murmuring {Name} refrained from adjusting the strap again, the fingers out and flexing as the thumb lingered under the leather _"I don't know what use I can be to them." I_ t was a lie, {Name} knew what was to be done when the time came down to it.

There was not a speck of doubt for {Name} that Erwin saw straight through the lie, she could only hope for the time being he would remain quiet on his suspicions.

Like the lie had driven a visible wedge between them Erwin's shoulders drew up, set back and stiff. Taking the dark cap out from under his arm Erwin placed it on his head, pulling it down low nothing more was said before he started walking towards the exit, {Name} following with some reservation.

 

**\+ + + + + +**

 

Leaving behind the bold red carpet {Name}'s boots clicked neatly across the marble porch, the white stone pillars that stretched up from the top of the staircase baring the swastika flag, it folded and curled in the mid-morning breeze.

Not once did {Name} believe she'd be caught up in the twisted politics that she was.

One foot down on the step Erwin turned when he was halfway down _"Caleb is with Mike,"_ Not lifting his head when he spoke it left only Erwin's mouth visible. At the news, {Name} felt the first smile she'd managed in the last nine months stretch across her mouth _"Who is looking after him?"_ Doubting that Mike would be permitted leave for fathering a child {Name} could only guess he'd managed to find a nanny.

Tipping back Erwin's eyes broke out from the shadow of his hat _"Mike's wife."_

Words zig-zagging through {Name}'s head, the matter of the stairs being mini ice rinks was forgotten. With a misplaced foot, {Name} slipped, barely catching herself before she went down the entire staircase on her rear.

Mike was married?

With a wide-eyed stare, {Name} looked to Erwin for a further explanation. Was it recent? Or had he been married at the time they were sleeping together?

Erwin's arms drawn back against his side a soft tip of the head gave {Name} the answer that she'd not wanted.

There would never have been a chance of anything occurring if {Name} had known Mike was married.

Correcting her posture {Name}'s fingers flew to the strap on her shoulder, closing them tightly around the leather {Name}'s mouth pursed _"I don't even know why I am surprised,"_ Mumbling under breath, {Name} finally reached Erwin's step.

Once again side by side Erwin's hand brushed against the back of {Name}'s, his coat fanning out with the breeze he took the opportunity it offered.

Gloved fingers closing around {Name}'s, they eventually slid together _"When you were arrested, I tried to see you,"_  Whispering Erwin was forced to let go of {Name}'s hand when two infantrymen approached them, polite nods exchanged he faced forward again.

 _"They told me you had been transferred to another city, but they wouldn't say which one,"_ Continuing Erwin ran a finger down the sharp angle of his nose, before curling the tip of the finger to tap at the top of his upper lip.

 _"Normally that would suggest you were taken to a camp,"_ Explicit reservation in mentioning the last part Erwin looked up at {Name} when she stopped walking.

None of the men ever mentioned the camps, when they needed to discuss them, they would ask {Name} to leave the room.

During {Name}'s incarceration, the primary function and purpose of the camps were explained. The Schutzstaffel being the main body handling the day to day running, it left {Name} reeling.

Aware of the Nazi parties prejudice, and the persecution of the Jewish communities, she had not known the true extent of what happened in the camps.

Trying to picture Erwin in the role of what was described to {Name}, it forced her to look at him in a whole new light.

There was no denying that Erwin could be cruel, but to systematically collect up men, women and children and force them into the camps was something else entirely.

Dragging the bottom lip between the teeth {Name} wanted to know if Erwin actually agreed with what he was doing. Or whether it was something Erwin did because there was no other option available to him now.

Fingers raising to silence the driver of their waiting car Erwin continued to watch {Name}. In time {Name} took the final steps, the door open and waiting she slid with caution into the back seat, Erwin following close behind.

{Name} did not want to know what motivated Erwin to have climbed up the ranks within a sector of the German army, that was on par with the Gestapo.

The gentle vibration of the car's engine covered for the trembling in {Name}'s legs. A gentle squeeze on the thigh from Erwin made {Name} hiss, the muscle tensing at the contact her teeth ground together when Erwin used the back of his hand, with a little amount of force it swung at {Name}'s stomach.

Teeth pinching at the inside of her cheeks {Name} inhaled deeply through her nose, the breath held as a new pain spread through her abdomen.

Taking the hand back Erwin let it fall on his knee _"Are you going to maintain that you have no idea what they want you for?"_ Questioning {Name} about the earlier lie Erwin sighed when she nodded.

Jaw rolling as though in thought Erwin placed an elbow to the window ledge, the curled fingers providing a rest for his cheek _"At least they didn't break you completely,"_ Sounding humoured by his conclusion Erwin's fingers stretched out, covering his mouth he averted his gaze to look out the window.

Staring at Erwin's profile {Name}'s fingers reached for the hand still resting on his knee, keeping her own arm low to not attract the attention of their driver.

It was not that {Name} did not want to tell Erwin, it was that she didn't know how to. Revealing why the Gestapo now had need of her, would force her to admit that she'd spent months purposefully betraying the confidence Erwin placed in her.

Though a part of {Name} suspected Erwin knew, as time had passed he'd spoken more reservedly when in her company. A problem she expressed when speaking with the person she'd been feeding the information too.

Deciding to test the waters {Name} took back her hand, setting it with the other that rested between her thighs she focused on the back of the driver's head once more.

Flecks of grey breaking up the man's short brown hair she caught the man's olive eyes in the rearview mirror. It was no one {Name} knew personally, though the narrowing in his gaze made {Name} suspect he was curious about her softer, more feminine appearance.

 _"I suspect you already knew,"_ no longer focusing on the driver {Name} watched from the corner of her eye as Erwin looked her way _"Everything you told me, I was passing along."_

The wait for Erwin to respond crept on longer than {Name} wanted it to. A quick admittance that he knew was what {Name} wished to hear; instead, all she was given was his silence.

**\+ + + + + +**

 

Standing in the entrance {Name} rocked on the heels of her boots. Light spilling into the mahogany and emerald green corridor the building was a far cry from the rundown bed and breakfast they'd been housed in, in France.

This building was almost regal by comparison. Dark gothic in design, it felt like {Name} was stepping into a thriller book, rather than the new accommodations for their unit.

Brushing by {Name}'s shoulder Erwin flipped off his hat, fingers removed from the glove he patted down his neatly parted hair. Index finger creating a crook Erwin beckoned for {Name} to follow after him.

Passing by numerous doors {Name}'s eyes danced from one wall to the other. Fanciful but tasteful paintings adorned the walls, small tables with neatly tended potted plants underneath each gold framed artwork, {Name} felt like she was in a gallery.

Taking the winding staircase Erwin did not look back once, his silence remaining firm since {Name} admitted she'd willingly betrayed not only his trust but the men under his command.

With the lacking response, {Name} kept it to herself the name of the individual that was within his group who'd been benefitting from the information.

Forced into a brisk jog when Erwin became a shadow creeping across the walls {Name} hurried down the second corridor they'd come too. Much like the first, the walls were lined by numerous doors, broken up with beautiful art.

Unsure as to where Erwin was leading them {Name} hung back when he took a corner, from where {Name} stood it looked like a dead end. On getting closer, {Name} found there was a turn in the corridor, a clever illusion created by the fine alignment of the painting to the corner of the wall.

Hand out and gripping a polished handle Erwin stood side on to the door, a quick glance given to {Name} when she finally rounded the corner he eased the wood out of its frame.

Picking up her pace {Name} pushed the door with the tips of her fingers, head poking around the shout of surprise at being gripped roughly was drowned out when a mouth closed on hers.

Caught up in confusion {Name}'s lower arms froze in their widely thrown positions, two giant hands holding just above the elbow the fingers eased when {Name} finally made sense of what was happening.

Kicking out a booted foot {Name} relaxed when the door clicked to a close, Erwin's hands ghosting up her arms the fingers cupped at her face, bringing her close as their mouths finally reunited after their time spent apart.

In need of breath and panting slightly Erwin took a step back but did not entirely disconnect from {Name}, thumbs stroking gently over her cheekbones Erwin seemed to finally look at her thoroughly.

 _"I knew,"_ Finally responding to {Name}'s confession in the car Erwin tipped forward, their foreheads knocking together gently a deep breath filled Erwin's chest.

 _"I knew what you were doing,"_ Clarifying his answer Erwin's eyes closed _"I guessed it was some way for you to feel in control,"_ Fingers reaching for the top button of {Name}'s shirt Erwin brought his mouth back to hers.

Shirt falling open {Name} tried to pull the cloth back across, Erwin's hands blocking the attempt their eyes met.

Angling away {Name} drew in her bottom lip, holding it fiercely between her teeth when Erwin traced lightly over the mottled skin of her stomach.

Dotted in shades of yellow, green and purple it looked better than it had three months prior. At times the pain was at such a level that {Name} couldn't even stand, and was held up by one or two of the soldiers.

Eyes becoming waterlogged {Name} closed them tightly, the tremble in her jaw warded off when her teeth clenched.

 _"Did they?"_ Leaving the word, unspoken Erwin waited patiently for {Name} to look back at him.

Unable to bring her head round to face Erwin, a strange guttural noise was made instead. Used as a last-ditch attempt to break {Name}, it had been dangled and suggested as an indirect threat at the beginning. By the fifth month, they made true on their word.

Too weak and tired to put up a fight any longer {Name} had let her mind drift. Close to uncaring for what was being done {Name} had focused on the wall or the ceiling. Anything other than them.

If not for Keith's arrival, {Name} was sure she would have still been there. Coming across {Name} in the cell she'd spent almost half a year in Keith questioned the reason behind her arrest.

With the guard detailing {Name}'s crime Keith had looked at {Name} a little differently.

Sending away the guard Keith had crouched at the door of her cell, demanding the reason behind why she'd purposely, and forcefully gave Kurt Muller the lethal injection.

Putting her last hopes into Keith, {Name} finally broke. Telling Keith everything she knew, everything she'd done, and that she would do anything to be free of them.

It was in that moment that {Name} was passed over to the Gestapo. Securing a full pardon for the murder of Kurt, it was made very clear, that if she refused an order, she would be put in front of the firing squad.

Being a pawn to the Gestapo was a trade {Name} was willing to make, and one she did not regret. By comparison, they'd been far kinder to {Name}. Not once did they lay a hand on her, instead focusing their time on getting {Name} healed up and trained for the tasks they'd eventually be asking of her.

Though {Name} knew full well the Gestapo were guilty of many a heinous act, it had been easily overlooked at the time. They, or rather Keith, had saved {Name}. For that, she would remain forever grateful.

 _"Not by the Gestapo,"_ Voice quivering {Name}'s hands bunched together the two sides of her shirt.

Fingers hooking lightly under {Name}'s chin Erwin brought her to face him. Head tilting to the side their mouths met gingerly, uncertainty from both sides made their movements slow. Erwin clearly trying not to rush {Name}, in turn, she was trying not to freeze up and become unresponsive.

Erwin was the first contact of intimacy {Name} had in a long time, that was not forced. It left {Name} in a panic, and confused. Wanting to push him away, but in the same instance bring him closer.

Hands finding {Name}'s hips Erwin stopped when her fingers pinched at his forearms, breathing heavily {Name} felt calmer when Erwin attempted to withdraw from her. It made {Name} feel in control, that if {Name} wanted to stop, then they would.

Swallowing {Name} softened the grip on Erwin's arms, the hands moving from a defensive positioning they slid around and under his arms. Fanning them over Erwin's rib cage, her pulse racing, she found that on passing over Erwin's chest that his heart was far from relaxed.

 _"Don't force yourself,"_ Whispering against {Name}'s mouth, Erwin stroked the backs of his fingers down her stomach.

Forcing back her nervousness {Name} shook her head, teeth pinching at her lip it took some time to find her words _"I want too."_

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Behind the net curtains, it was dark, only a faint glimmer of a nearby lamppost lit up the room, casting the nets patterns to stretch across the ceiling. Unlike the bed and breakfast where everything creaked, and the pipes clanged throughout the night, the hotel was relatively silent.

It was almost a world away from what was unfolding outside. It was peaceful, a small slither of a sanctuary.

 _"Your hair has grown."_ Erwin's observation broke the quiet, and the belief that he was asleep. A hand combing through the length that'd grown back Erwin curled a segment around a finger _"They insisted I kept it long."_ Answering softly {Name} lifted her head from his chest.

In the time spent under Keith's custody, {Name} was informed that some of the tasks would require {Name} to be dressed up. In the almost two years that {Name} was gone from the unit it allowed her to regain length in her hair. At some point in the training, Keith introduced {Name} to a positively dotty woman by the name of Zoe.

It was Zoe who taught {Name} how to disguise the length of her hair and keep it under the illusion of being much shorter than it was.

Laying back on the pillows {Name} stared up at the ceiling, a hand brushing with Erwin's beneath the sheets they overlapped and curled around each other _"I guess we won't have the convenience of conjoining rooms this time."_

With a small smile, {Name} turned to face Erwin, half cast in shadow she could only just make out the slight smile he wore.

 _"There isn't a room here for you anyway."_ Replying softly Erwin pressed up on the bed, the connected fingers separating as he rested on one arm _"All the rooms are accounted for."_ With Erwin's adjustment {Name} could no longer make out his expression.

Sighing softly {Name} brought the hand that'd been in Erwin's to rest on her stomach. The still tender skin raw to the touch her fingers massaged it lightly "I will speak with Shadis."

Sliding up the bed until she was resting against the headboard {Name} had one foot on the floor when Erwin put a hand out to keep her from leaving the bed _"You can stay here,"_ having also sat up Erwin rested an arm over his raised knee _"With me."_

Preparing to respond {Name} was unable too when the bedroom door was thrown open. Light spilling into the room {Name} froze in a panic until Erwin pulled at her ankle, forcing her down on the bed the sheet was thrown up to cover her entirely just before the light clicked on.

 _"Have you been in bed all day?"_ Mike's question came in a balance of curiousness and disbelief. Heavy footsteps passing over the floorboards, one, in particular, creaked as Mike stopped.

Still sat up on the bed Erwin kept one hand under the sheets that were covering {Name}, their little fingers joining _"I had a headache."_ He murmured in response.

It was always difficult to decipher if and when Erwin was lying. Possessing a blunt way of speaking, it was possible that even if he spouted the unlikeliest of things, that people would believe him purely on how he delivered his words.

Mike shifted on his feet, weight adjusting the floor beneath creaked again _"A headache?"_ He questioned, _"And nothing to do with that suspicious tuft of hair on the pillow?"_

Beneath the sheets {Name} cringed, resisting bringing a hand to cover her face and squirm she kept as still as possible.

Erwin nudged a knee against {Name}'s leg, his hand closing tighter around hers _"It helped."_ He responded calmly, {Name}'s hand attempting to slap him, it was pinned down by Erwin's.

There was a moment of silence until Mike mumbled something under his breath _"Well, everyone's waiting downstairs. The old lady is insistent that we eat together."_ Announcing the reason for his presence Mike retreated from the room _"Make sure to see your headache out."_ Calling across the room, the door finally closed.

Waiting a few seconds {Name} swung round a leg, the knee connecting with Erwin's side, he released her hand. Throwing back the sheets {Name} sat up in time to witness Erwin curl in on the side she'd kicked _"A headache. Really?"_ Feeling somewhat insulted by the excuse {Name}'s brow curved when Erwin relaxed his posture, a small smile drifting across his mouth.

 _"A thorn in my side would have been more appropriate."_ Commenting wistfully Erwin caught {Name}'s arm by the wrist as she attempted to leave the bed.

Pulling {Name} back she found herself pinned under Erwin, a hand combing back the hair on her forehead as he rested on one arm _"Stay here a little longer."_ Requesting quietly Erwin didn't precisely give {Name} opportunity to answer when his mouth closed on hers.

 


	3. Chapter 3

As far as reunions go, it could have indeed been worse.  
  
Sandwiched between Reiner and Bertholdt a hand desperately smacked at their crossed over arms, oblivious to her distress as they both rambled over her head about how they thought {Name} was dead.  
  
Having woken early in the morning, before the sun was even thinking about rising {Name} had laid in the bed for a long time, before succumbing to her bodies want for food.

Not familiar with the hotel's layout {Name} took some time to find the kitchen, the swinging door at the back of the dining room leading to it, she barely reached the other side when a large body almost tackled her to the floor.  
  
At first {Name} didn't understand what was happening, until the all too familiar bumbling speech stuttered against her ear.  
  
_"I thought you were a ghost!"_ Bertholdt declared loudly, his arms tight and squeezing around {Name}, she was almost off the floor _"So you make a habit of tackling spectres?"_ She'd chided in reply, her breath a little short from trying to hide the pain she was in.   
  
Bertholdt would only have become a sorry mess if {Name} mentioned that he was aggravating old wounds.  
  
The discomfort only doubled when Reiner entered the kitchen to source the sudden commotion, and much like Bertholdt, almost bowled them over.  
  
_"When did you arrive?", "What happened?"_  
  
The questions went on and on, not even a second spared for {Name} to attempt an answer before another question was fired off.  
  
Resigning to being squashed between the two men a tight smile stretched {Name}'s mouth. Though much changed in the almost year that {Name} was gone, there was comfort in discovering the two men had not changed at all.  
  
_"Does Erwin know your back?"_ Taking a step back Reiner held on to {Name}'s shoulders as Bertholdt remained clinging to her back _"Yes."_

Giving the short answer {Name} didn't miss the wiggle of Reiner's eyebrows.

 _"So were you_ the headache _then?"_ Sounding far too interested Reiner removed a hand to lightly elbow her side, small sounds of encouraging to divulge details {Name} slapped the appendage away.  
  
A small gasping breath tickling an ear {Name} leant away from Bertholdt when one of his arms relaxed in its near throttling hold to point at Reiner. Some form of silent exchange of looks, jabbing hands and a horrified face pulled by Reiner, she was eventually released.  
  
Rolling both shoulders {Name} switched her sights between the two men, Bertholdt's nervous sweat starting at his forehead Reiner had both hands on his hips as he found some interest in his shoes.  
  
{Name} wasn't sure, but by their reactions and their knowledge of Erwin's 'headache,' a wild guess was that they were wondering about Mike and whether {Name} was aware that the man was married.

Erwin saw to it that {Name} was in the know of the vital piece of information that Mike kept very quiet. To such an extent, that Mike didn't even wear his wedding ring.

It was no secret between the trio that Mike and {Name} were sleeping together, and now knowing what she did, their awkward faces on discovering the two in bed made much more sense.  
  
{Name} had been the last to know that she was Mike's extramarital bit on the side, among many others.  
  
They needn't have looked like a pair of guilty puppies, it was not their place to say anything, and what was done, was done.  
  
Running a hand up an arm, {Name} felt heat creep over her skin when her stomach made the loudest possible growl, two sets of eyes staring at her a shrug lifted the shoulders _"Its what I came down here for."_ Quietly admitting the purpose of her presence in the kitchen {Name} shifted on her feet.  
  
A clap on one shoulder {Name} near buckled into Reiner's side _"Fix Fraulein something."_ Speaking above her head, Reiner used the hand to push her to the small table in the centre as Bertholdt busied himself behind them.  
  
Whether it was a matter of hunger or that Bertholdt was genuinely a good cook {Name} was not sure. All that {Name} did know, was the small and straightforward dish tasted like a slice of heaven.

Setting down the cutlery {Name} gazed at Bertholdt's expectant face, a worrisome crease in his forehead it soon vanished when she complimented his cooking.  
  
With relief, Bertholdt slumped back in the chair just as {Name} drew up her legs, knees tucked in close to her chest the steaming cup of tea sat in the nest of her hands.  
  
With a toothpick bobbing up and down at the corner of his mouth Reiner sat forward, the chair creaking with the adjustment of his weight _"Where did you end up?"_  
  
At the question, {Name} felt her body stiffen, tongue lapping as her mouth became dry a slow shake of the head half answered the question _"It doesn't matter. I'm not there anymore."_

With reservations {Name} avoided giving any details, she didn't want to speak of it or even revisit the hell she was held in for six long months.   
  
Thankful that neither man decided to push or pry further {Name} took a sip of the tea, it was a long time since she'd had one.  
  
_"Well,"_ Reiner began, his voice loud and almost booming as he covered for the slight awkwardness that settled between the three _"You missed a lot, you need to be up to speed on our little units consistent bout of stupidity."_

With purpose, Reiner looked across the table at Bertholdt who's cheeks flushed a furious red _"Reiner please."_ Almost begging Bertholdt's hands covered his face as Reiner turned back to {Name}.

Thankful for the change in subject, and interest indeed peaked she waited for Reiner to clear his throat and start the regaling of what -by Bertholdt's reaction- was going to be a cause for a good laugh.

Settling back in the chair {Name} could already feel a laugh building when Bertholdt's hands flailed to try and cover Reiner's mouth, all three pausing when the swish of the kitchen door signalled the arrival of another person, they all turned to look.  
  
Chest squeezing painfully {Name}'s heart felt like it stopped dead. Paler than a ghost Mike was staring straight at {Name}, a hand covering the lower half of his face.  
  
The other two occupants of the table fell silent in their bickering, their once fighting hands and arms stopping mid-air furtive glances went between them.  
  
It looked like they wanted to leave, but at the same time stay and watch what was going to be a positively awful exchange.

For no sooner did the shock and surprise of seeing Mike rise, it was replaced with hurt, anger, and an odd sense of betrayal.  
  
Tongue flicking across the bottom lip {Name} chewed back the bad words wishing to leap from her mouth, a thin smile edging across her lips they parted enough to speak.

_"Long time, no see."_

 


	4. Chapter 4

As the hours ticked on the sun finally made an appearance, as did more faces, both old and new.

 

Of the newest members in the unit, none paid {Name} too close attention. Armin and Marco, on the other hand, took it in turns to lean across the table and whisper questions and responses.

 

Further up the table, Mike sat in silence. A cup in hand the plate of food set down by the old lady who {Name} came to know as Esther, remained untouched.

 

After their initial shock of seeing each other, there'd been only a few words exchanged. A question of how Caleb was, and how Mike's wife felt about caring for him. All things were relatively pleasant until {Name} touched on the matter of Mike's wife.

 

From that moment Mike went silent. Staring accusingly at Bertholdt and Reiner for letting it slip, {Name} informed him that it was not them. In turn, Mike faced {Name}, a finger tapping at his top lip he'd uttered a sniping sentence.

 

_"You certainly are a bloody headache."_

 

With the comment, {Name}'s mouth pinched tight in the centre. With nothing more to say to each other, Mike had left.

 

Being the last to enter for breakfast Mike was forced to take the only chair available. In the seat opposite, was Erwin.

 

The two men shared a quick look, though neither spoke to the other.

 

Lifting an arm from the table, {Name} set her chin in the palm when Reiner pointed a fork -a straggle of bacon attached - at her _"Will you be returning as a medic?"_ He queried with a frown.

 

The fork shoved in his mouth Bertholdt looked down at her suddenly _"Our one now,"_ whispering Bertholdt nodded his head further down the table to a rather stern-faced man _"Isn't exactly..."_ he trailed off, a finger scratching his temple.

 

 _"Gentle."_ Armin finished for Bertholdt, the shoulder previously dislocated rolling in some discomfort.

 

Smiling {Name} pulled the hand out from under her chin, reaching for the coffee cup _"I gue--!"_

 

Just like the other occupants of the table, {Name} froze. Far too loud a person called for {Name} by the false name she used. Not alarmed by the sudden call, the far more unsettling matter was the person shouting through the hotel for her.

 

Kicking back the chair {Name} hurried to the kitchen door, barely making it before it swung open {Name} stared at the person who'd slammed the door open.

 

_"Hein!"_

_"Hange?!"_

 

In a flash the woman lunged at {Name}, knocking them both to the floor the woman clung tighter than necessary to {Name}'s shoulders. Hange's forehead clipping the bridge of {Name}'s nose in her exuberant greeting, both eyes watered as pain pinged down the bone.

 

Hange's hair for an odd reason was not in its usual messy ponytail, the thick waves falling across the woman's shoulders it partially blinded {Name} as Hange rolled them side to side.

 

 _"I've missed you!"_ Hange exclaimed, confusing {Name} thoroughly, they'd last seen each other the day before _"Well I haven't missed you. Get off!"_ Trying to separate from Hange a hand pushed at the woman's shoulder, which only made her grip tighter.

 

A rush of breath over {Name}'s ear, she stopped struggling. Meeting the dark eyes hidden behind the glasses, Hange's smile only grew wider.

 

Of course, Shadis would have something to do with this.

 

Sitting back Hange straddled {Name}'s lap _"You're a cruel man, not telling your wife that you're home."_ With a pout and a sniff, Zoe swung into the role with total ease.

A nearly flawless performance {Name} almost felt genuine guilt, a hand lifted from where it was supporting her body, the palm slapped against her forehead.

 

What the hell was {Name} even meant to say?

 

Near forgetting they were not alone {Name} cringed when one of the newer faces commented from the table _"Not letting your Mrs know your home? You some kind of arsehole?"_

There was murmurs of agreement from the others, a whimpering fleeing {Name}'s mouth the hand at her forehead lifted away as Hange started talking again.

 

 _"Our little boy has been asking for you,"_ Zoe sniffed, a finger wiping away a false tear _"He wants to know when daddy is coming home."_

 

{Name} could have happily died at that moment.

 

Noises of disgust rising from behind {Name} threw Hange off her lap _"That's enough Zoe."_

 

Gripping the slim woman at the waist, {Name} practically dragged her back through the door and into the dining room.

 

Flustered {Name} waited for the door to settle, before giving Hange's arm a slap _"The hell?!"_ Keeping to a harsh whisper, Hange only grinned as she rubbed at her arm _"Done the job."_ She mused, an index pointed out it was accompanied with a wink.

 

Deadpanning {Name}'s hip swung out, a hand resting on it she nodded sharply _"Yeah, now everyone thinks I'm a neglectful arse hole."_ Hissing in reply a hand was thrown up when Hange shrugged _"It was all I could think of."_ Though sounding apologetic, the sneaky smile told {Name} that Hange was far from sorry.

 

Tongue flicking out across the lips {Name}'s head dropped, fingers rubbing the still throbbing part of her nose _"How long is Keith going to be?"_ Looking up at Hange, a quick shrug came in reply _"He only told me to cause a commotion for a short time."_ Answering Zoe tapped a finger on pouting lips "Shouldn't be too much longer."

 

Arms folding {Name} eyed Hange with some grievance, there was going to be no possible way to backtrack now. Other than the five who were probably thoroughly confused by what had just happened, the others were going to view her as an awful husband, and an even worse father.

 

And {Name} was neither of them.

 

_"All done."_

 

From the far end of the dining room, Keith stepped into the doorway, arms folded at his back a sharp-eyed gaze turned to the two women.

 

Flicking a finger at Hange a second of delay to find the right words, it halted {Name}'s angry speech that she wished to shout at the man.

 

The door behind swinging open all attempt to reprimand fell dead when Kieth sidestepped to take himself out of view.

 

Attention falling on the person who stepped out of the kitchen, {Name} managed a sincere smile when Hange latched on {Name}'s arm _"I'll see you out, my dear."_ Laying it on thick {Name} put a hand to the small of Hange's back, encouraging her to walk _"I told you I would be home as soon as I could be. Just be patient a little longer."_

Inwardly {Name} was squirming and cringing, outwardly she fell into the forced role of being Hange's husband, trying to repair the image of being an uncaring man.

 

Eyes rolling when Hange assisted in making things a little smoother to the small group watching from the door, they continued the charade until they were at the entrance of the hotel.

  
One or two of the men had broken away to follow out the dining room {Name} was thankful that Keith had made himself scarce.

 

Keeping the door too they stepped away from each other, Hange walking down to join Shadis at the bottom step she gave a small wave before disappearing into the waiting car.

 

Fingers drumming on the car door Shadis turned an eye to {Name} _"Your information was correct."_ He spoke carefully _"Olou will be released."_

Heart fluttering in relief {Name}'s clenched fist relaxed _"Thank you."_

 

Nodding to each other Keith slipped into the car, the door slamming {Name} watched it creep away.

 

Though {Name} threw herself at the mercy of the Gestapo, it was not entirely complete. Wanting proof that {Name} was not merely bluffing, they'd announced the name of one of their prisoners.

 

Olou was alive, but being held in a camp.

 

The deal was simple, if some of what {Name} told them were proved correct, Olou would be released and allowed to return home to Petra. If found to be lying, or not enough evidence present, Olou would be shot as would {Name}.

 

The initial bartering only involving {Name}, the Gestapo undertook extra security on finding {Name}'s link to one of their captives.

 

Even now knowing Olou would be returning home, it was not a cause of relief. Keith drove it home that if {Name} slipped up, it would not just be Olou's life on the line, but Petra's and their children.

 

Overall, {Name} was well and truly on their leash.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Using two fingers to push up the lip of the helmet {Name} cast her eyes left and right before crossing the street.

Free of any duties {Name} took the time to familiarise herself with the city. It was beautiful, and still bustling. Tension and fear was clearly strife among the citizens trying to keep some form of normality with the war raging on.

A gentle drizzle painted the pavements a darker shade of grey, small puddles collecting in the dips {Name}'s attention was stolen by a little boy hopping from one puddle to the next. A pair of boots splashing happily, browny blonde hair peeked out from under a hood, a set of warm eyes flicking her way.

At the moment their eyes locked {Name} felt as though her heart was kicked up into her throat. The rifle on her shoulder close to thrown down when Caleb almost charged at her, forgetting the damp pavement {Name} dropped onto her knees, arms open they closed tightly around Caleb as he practically jumped into them.

Forgetting where they were, {Name} pulled Caleb closer, a kiss placed to the top of his head a quick backwards lean allowed space between them so that {Name} could get a good look at his face.

There was no possible way to deny that Mike was Caleb's father. Their eyes were a mirror of one another, even the shape of Caleb's face, though not matured, was that of Mike's. It seemed the only thing inherited from Christine was the small button nose and the deep Cupid bow of his top lip.

 _"Mama!"_ Whispering excitedly Caleb giggled and wriggled in {Name}'s arms, hands clapping together they eventually were placed against {Name}'s cheeks, squishing them together it made {Name} laugh gently _"It's mama!"_

Twisting to look behind him a shadow fell over them. Cautiously {Name} glanced up the long legs hidden behind an expensive looking fur coat until {Name}'s eyes landed on the graceful, swan-like neck of the woman.

Slipping Caleb from her lap, {Name} stood up slowly, surprised to find herself much taller than the woman {Name} met the fiery green eyes of the black haired woman.

Lips twisted in an ugly snarl the woman drew a hand out of her pocket at the moment {Name} tried to assure that Caleb was not actually her son.

With a hand brushing Caleb aside at the moment the woman lunged forward {Name} was slow in blocking. A sharp pain cutting over {Name}'s hip, a shout of surprise was held back when the woman made to take a second swipe.

The small hand blade held a little delicately in the pale fingers {Name} moved on instinct at the moment the woman tried to slash across {Name}'s chest.

Catching the slender wrist {Name} twisted it roughly, sidestepping to force it up against the woman's back, her knee drove up. The sound of the woman's nose popping bringing {Name} back to her senses, she halted making the second blow.

Keeping the hand that still held onto the knife at the woman's back {Name} put a hand out to keep Caleb from walking around and seeing what {Name} had done.

They'd drawn attention as it was, the woman screaming every foul word in her vocabulary it made the surrounding soldiers and citizens stop and watch. Though none made a move to interfere.

 _"Shut up!"_ Bending to press her mouth against the woman's ear {Name} tried to use her free hand to cover her mouth, a failed plan when the woman bit harshly on her finger.

In a panic, {Name} forced the woman to stand up, a hand gripping to the back of the expensive fur coat {Name} forced her down the side alley of the shop they'd been stood outside.

Caleb's tiny feet running to keep up behind them {Name} gave a forceful push to create distance between them and woman who {Name} suspected was Mike's wife.

The woman staggered before tripping out of one of her heels, her bloodied face twisted around from where she lay in a pile of rubbish and brown water as {Name} put a hand behind to lightly toss Caleb's hair, and keep him in the hiding place he'd taken behind her legs.

With a hand crossing her body {Name} found the tear in her uniform, hot liquid spilling out, the rush of adrenaline that kept the pain numbed started to fade.

Extending the bloodied hand when the woman scrambled to her feet {Name} panted from the exertion _"Wait, wait!"_ Calling out before the woman made a second attack on her person {Name} was grateful when she stopped. Fingers delicately patting at the flowing stream of blood that poured from her nose, the fiery green eyes flicked with disgust to {Name}'s _"You little whore!"_

Dropping the blade out of her hand the woman twisted in a circle, finding her shoe the foot was almost slammed back into it _"Filthy wretched whore!"_ Continuing on her tirade the woman ran the fluffy sleeve across her face, smearing the blood further, and giving her a far more feral appearance.

Exasperated, and in pain {Name} threw back an angry look of her own _"Will you shut up and listen,"_ trying to keep her voice low and keep from bringing anyone into the alley {Name} spared a quick glance over her shoulder _"He isn't mine. I adopted him after his mother died."_ Lowering her voice, even more, to keep Caleb from hearing {Name} raised her arm defensively when the woman looked as though she was going to lunge again.

After a few seconds of staring the other down the woman's shoulders sagged suddenly, hands cupping her face as she sobbed into them. The broken nose creating a whistling sound with each ugly sob the woman made, it let {Name} relax her posture.

{Name} couldn't even begin to understand the pain and humiliation the woman must have felt when Mike returned home, with a son from another woman. To then be expected to look after the child was beyond cruel, and quite a malicious move on Mike's side.

In time the sobbing calmed, the woman using the coat to wipe at her bloody and tear stained face {Name} was able to properly appreciate the woman's looks. Though she was not in a presentable state, there was no denying that she was beautiful.

It left {Name} feeling a little frumpy by comparison.

The woman clearly was well groomed and elegant in her mannerisms. It made {Name} wonder what appealed to Mike when he'd turned his attention to {Name} and Christine. In a lineup, {Name} knew without a doubt who she'd have picked if she were actually a man.

Pale and petite with naturally rouged lips, the woman looked model ready, minus her now busted nose.

Returning to a calm and almost composed state the woman shrugged her shoulders to bring the coat back to sit on them _"Mike said that there was a little French medic his unit had picked up,"_ Inhaling as her voice quivered the woman's painted fingers curled at the collar of her coat, bringing it tighter against her _"Mike said that you'd fallen pregnant with his kid after a drunken night together and that you were probably dead."_ Giving her version of events the woman's mouth twisted on catching {Name}'s reaction _"He was lying, wasn't he?"_

Pinching tighter to her throbbing side {Name} considered her options, she could save the woman more pain and humiliation, and bite the bullet Mike had fired. Though {Name} was under no inclination to aid Mike, a quick shake of the head was given in response to the question of whether Mike had lied to her.

 _"We were drinking a lot that night,"_ close to whispering {Name} met the woman's watery gaze _"I took advantage of Mike's state if I'm honest."_ Lying straight to the woman's face made {Name}'s gut twist angrily. Why did {Name} take the blame for Mike, it would be easy to tell the woman everything.

Tell the woman there was likely more babies that Mike had fathered as he had not only taken Christine to bed. The woman was clearly heartbroken as it was, and {Name} just couldn't do it.

Inhaling deeply the woman looked away, a hand covering her mouth when fresh tears spilt, further ruining her carefully put on makeup _"I will continue to look after Caleb."_ Removing the hand, the woman flicked her gaze to {Name} _"You're welcome to visit when you can."_ With strained notes {Name} could tell it was difficult for the woman to speak, to tell {Name} that essentially she'd forgiven her.

It left {Name} reeling, to put the woman through more emotional turmoil. Though the blow would have been far worse, had {Name} spouted the truth about Mike's time in France _"Thank you."_ Inclining her head {Name}'s mouth stretched into a line, unable to smile it became a tight, expressionless line.

Extending a finger {Name} pointed at the woman's nose _"I can fix that."_ Taking a tentative step forward {Name} was grateful the woman stayed still, allowing {Name} to correct the bone the woman cried out when {Name} forced it to align.

Stepping back {Name} turned to pick Caleb up, bending creating a hot wave of pain in her hip {Name} knew her time to linger and talk was short _"Why did you have a knife?"_ Placing Caleb on {Name}'s good hip a hand lightly patted his back. Even with the commotion that'd broken out around him, Caleb looked to have remained calm, and somewhat oblivious to what happened.

Something {Name} was thankful for.

 _"I was heading to the hotel you're all staying in,"_ with a quiet and pained sniff the woman answered, _"I heard that you'd showed up, I was going to...well."_ A hand waving at {Name}'s bleeding hip the woman shrugged _"I was so angry, I just wanted to cause you as much pain, as you'd given me."_ Admitting the motivation quietly all {Name} could do was stare at the small woman.

If the shoe had been on the other foot {Name} would probably have wanted to do the same "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Joking slightly {Name} flinched when the woman gave {Name} an intense and scornful stare.

For as small as the woman was, there was no doubt that she packed a punch. Trying to stab {Name} without even a second of hesitation left {Name} a little unsure of whether the woman was genuinely ok with the situation, or whether the invitation to visit was given so that she could make a second attempt at ending {Name}'s life.

Arms out and waiting for Caleb to be passed back the woman waited as the small boy clung tightly to {Name}. Quietly assuring Caleb that she would visit soon {Name} gave him a tight hug, a kiss placed on his forehead before {Name} managed to untangle Caleb from her side.

It hurt to pass him back, to leave him again without any certainty of when she'd be able to see him again, but with her situation, it was impossible to keep him with her.

With a hand gently tussling Caleb's hair {Name} walked with them to the alleys entrance quietly, the discarded rifle kicked up with a boot it was a strain for {Name} to get it back on her shoulder, a hand still firmly clamped on her bleeding side she needed to get back to tend to it.

Lowering the helmet {Name} paused when Mike's wife made a grab at her arm, their gazes meeting {Name} held tightly on the strap of the gun on her shoulder, the action causing the woman smile _"My name is Mina."_ Finally introducing herself a second was taken to return the sentiment _"{Name}."_ The two women sharing a nod they smiled sadly back at one another.

 _"Did you love Mike? Is that why you did it?"_ Mina's question caught {Name} off guard, heart thudding painfully {Name}'s mouth ran dry.

Did {Name} love Mike?

It was possible, until that moment {Name} had never given it much thought. It caused {Name} a considerable amount of pain when Mike dropped her like she was nothing, even more so when Christine announced to Reiner and herself that she was carrying Mike's child.

Without a doubt, {Name} cared deeply for Mike, but to call it love, felt off. It was more an intense desire, he made {Name} feel safe and needed in the chaotic time before Erwin returned alive and well.

Giving Mina a straight-faced stare {Name} shook her head slowly _"I think, I thought I did,"_ Head cocked to the side {Name} stretched out the fingers still keeping the rifle secure on her shoulder to pull thoughtfully on the lobe of her ear _"I cared about him, but I don't think I was in love with him."_

It felt odd to admit her feelings over Mike to his wife, though it allowed {Name} to make sense of what she'd felt towards the man "He was there when I was feeling lost, and I think I mistook that for being in love with him."

In the confusion of being split up from the group, believing Erwin was dead, and watching her country fall, she'd felt alone. Mike had offered her an escape from that, and gave her a sense of belonging, and a little more.

Straightening up {Name} turned to Mina with a lopsided smile _"I'm sorry."_

With a shrug of the shoulders, Mina sighed quietly _"What's done is done."_ Giving Caleb a sincere smile Mina looked back at {Name} _"Please don't tell Mike about, well, about this."_ Waving a hand between both their injuries Mina gave a tense smile when {Name} agreed to keep quiet.

It was not as if {Name} was going to announce she'd broken Mike's wife's nose after she attempted to stab her. Though when {Name} finally did see Mike, she was going to read him the riot act.

It seemed that with {Name}'s return, Mike was increasingly absent, though {Name} suspected it for different reasons, or rather {Name} knew it was.


	6. Chapter 6

Walking stiffly {Name} kept from making eye contact on returning to the hotel. Fingers flexing over the cut in her side {Name} barely made it to the stairs when a voice called out for her.

Gripping the bannister {Name} turned, though only briefly, clocking sight of the last two she wished to see {Name} resumed on attempting the stairs.

Every time the left leg lifted to take the step, it squashed the two halves of the split skin together before stretching it out again. Swearing with nearly every step {Name} blotted out the steps of the two men following after her.

Falling against the bedroom door, {Name} carelessly swung the rifle off her shoulder, the extra weight of it making the walk home close to excruciating, as either shoulder, it rested on created another problem.

Easing the hand away {Name} stared at it, there was not a patch of skin visible under the red sheen it was painted in.

Mina did not make a half-hearted attempt at causing {Name} serious harm.

Wiping the hand down the already stained jacket {Name} limped to the dresser, the medical kit was thrown open a needle and thread were pulled out as {Name} shrugged off the jacket.

Tucking the bloody corner of the shirt under an arm {Name} did not spare a glance when the bedroom door was pushed open, the bodies filling the gap {Name} continued to concentrate on threading the needle, fingers shaking {Name} could not focus clearly on the hole.

In truth {Name} felt faint, and a little sick. Though not excessive, a fair amount of blood was lost in the time it took to return.

Stepping into the centre of the room {Name} brushed off the questions Erwin and Mike were aiming at her, trying to get the needle threaded was consuming too much of her attention to answer them.

 _"Just shut up!"_ Close to shouting at their insistence for an answer, {Name} felt her patience wear thin.

The tip of the stitching thread finally slipping through the loop at the top of the needle {Name} made quick work of cleaning up her side, one eye scrunched closed when she inserted the needlepoint it took all of {Name}'s self-control not to double over.

It was the first time {Name} ever needed to patch herself up, and it was not making for a pleasant experience.

After the first few stitches were made, the rest followed smoothly, giving {Name} the mental space to try and respond to them. Though Mina asked that {Name} kept their meeting quiet, the rage bubbling in her stomach sent the words venomously from her mouth.

With alarm, Mike backed up a step _"What did you tell her?"_ Clearly nervous at what {Name} could have possibly said to Mina, a hand held tight over his mouth.

Making the knot at the end of the stitch {Name} pulled the excess taut before cutting it away. Dropping the tools back onto the dresser {Name} turned to face Mike, the front of her shirt pulled up, at the exact moment she pushed down the waistband of her trousers.

Revealing the scar that spread hip to hip {Name} had to force her mouth apart _"Well I certainly did not tell her that I couldn't be Caleb's mother,"_ hot and angry pricks at the corners of her eyes gave {Name} no choice but to blink when Mike stared at her in confusion.

 _"Because I can't have children you selfish bastard!"_ Voice shaking {Name} covered herself back up when Mike sought out her eyes.

Hand falling away from his mouth Mike waved the hand at {Name} _"What do you mean you can't have kids?!"_ Oddly angered by {Name}'s words Mike's face hardened when {Name} gave a humourless laugh in return.

Head thrown to the side {Name} raised an arm as if to brush Mike's comment off. Jaw flexing tightly {Name}'s head dropped to stare at her feet, the angry tears breaking free {Name} held tightly to her wounded side.

 _"I'm missing the necessary parts to carry a child."_ Pressing the back of the free hand against her mouth {Name} sunk to a crouch. Forehead knocking against the knees a deep shuddering breath shook her body.

Hands covering her face {Name} rocked on her heels, all at once; it felt the buried emotions broke out. The anger, the humiliation all rushing to the surface _"Do you have any idea how much I wished that little boy was mine?"_

Speaking through her fingers {Name} was forced to pause as another wracking sob trapped the words in her throat _"How long I've wanted a child of my own, and then to be forced to lie to cover your skin? Do you have any idea how cruel you really are?"_ Unable to look at Mike a heavy, and an uncomfortable silence filled the room, until a sharp crack of skin hitting skin broke it.

Alarmed {Name}'s head snapped up at the exact moment Erwin withdrew his fist, giving it two quick shakes {Name} sought out Mike.

Bent over and gripping at his knees Mike spat on the carpet, the saliva mixed with blood Mike wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.

Tongue feeling the split in his lip Mike inhaled through his nose, continuing to stare at the floor his back arched with the breath he held in.

With time Mike stood up, a thumb running over the tear in the corner of his lip he stared at the watery red droplet that ran down it _"I never expected you to come back."_ Talking as though his answer was enough Mike threw a look at Erwin.

Rubbing the reddening knuckles Erwin gave Mike an almost lazy gaze in return "I think you've done enough." Clipped and cutting Erwin looked away when Mike gave a start, eyes wide and clearly hurt with the lack of defence from the man Mike made a breathy scoff.

The punch Erwin had thrown apparently accepted, the lack of backup was not _"So that is how it is?"_ With a sneering smile, Mike's head shook _"Quick to jump to her defence?"_ Mouth pulling tightly together Mike eventually relaxed it to run his tongue over the bottom lip, using it to drag it between his teeth he looked to contemplate something.

 _"You appear to have forgotten it didn't take long for her to give you up for dead and jump in my bed."_ Throwing out the matter of their brief relationship Mike turned towards the door when Erwin failed to respond, though they had locked into an intense staring contest.

Tossing a glance at {Name} a hand gripped the edge of the door before Mike departed. Leaving far calmer than his demeanour appeared the door clicked gently back in the frame.

A painful silence created in Mike's absence {Name} could not bring her gaze up, choosing to stare at Erwin's unmoving feet she waited, and waited, for anything.

A movement, a sound, or even a word or two from Erwin was needed. The matter dragged up of Mike and {Name}'s relationship far from news to Erwin, the way he'd thrown it out suggested that {Name} had hopped beds in an instant.

It was not the case at all, as it was only in the weeks leading to France's surrender that anything occurred. At most they'd been an item for a matter of a few months, their relations coming to an immediate halt when Erwin showed up to resume his post of command over the unit.

Sensing that Erwin was waiting on {Name} to break the ice, her fingers bunched into the crumpled and stained shirt _"It wasn't like that."_ Pleading her case quietly {Name} found the courage to look up at Erwin, expecting to find his face cold and hard {Name} flinched at the pain and betrayal that dulled the shine in his eyes.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Stretched out on the wall at the front of the hotel {Name} rested on Bertholdt's side, feet crossed at the ankle on Reiner's thigh the helmet was tipped low to give the impression that she was asleep and idle.

Quite aware of Reiner having tied the laces of the boots together {Name} kept a hand at the throbbing skin stitched up on her hip. The constant reminder of the day before's events {Name} reflected on them in the brief quietude she had.

Having had enough of being in some strange three-way battle with Erwin and Mike, {Name} left the hotel. Exiting the building just as Hange was approaching the steps, a hand flew up as if to say 'Not now.'

Possessing better patience and more understanding, Hange stepped aside when {Name} continued on, following close on {Name}'s heels they were halfway down the street before Hange spoke.

Suggesting they go somewhere quiet for a drink, {Name} obliged. It was evident that Hange was not there for a personal visit.

Tucked away in the corner of an old coffee shop {Name} chained her way through cigarette after cigarette, only stopping when Hange made a joke asking {Name} to speak with her 'wife'.

At the mention of the word, {Name}'s mood became even more dour than it had been from the start.

Speaking woman to woman, {Name} went into a quiet verbal tirade of all the events that occurred up until that afternoon. For a short time, Hange was speechless, staring at {Name} from behind the glasses a slow smile came to play across her mouth.

 _"It beats living on a farm. Your life is much more exciting."_ Hange coed, taking a sip of her coffee.

Sitting straight {Name} stared at the woman in disbelief _"I was happy shovelling horse shit and hay."_ She rebuked throwing another cigarette down into the ashtray.

Hange snorted behind the cup _"I'm sure you were, but that was then, and this is now."_

Placing the cup down Hange's fingers wriggled _"You can't have your cake and eat it."_

Speaking as though from experience Hange's head tilted _"You need to remember you're disposable, easily replaced."_ With a shrug she sat back _"Didn't take you long to replace your husband,"_ she paused, a sharp curve in her brow _"Did it?"_

Inhaling deeply {Name}'s eyes opened, the heel of a boot digging in Reiner's leg _"You can undo them now."_

Bertholdt hummed behind {Name} _"Told you she was awake."_ Replying to Reiner's objection the two men exchanged meaningless conversation as the laces were unthreaded and done back up correctly.

Splitting the legs so they fell either side of the wall {Name} sat up, shoulders rolling a hand massaged one shoulder _"Is it always like this?"_ Neck twisting to look back at Bertholdt a bob of the head answered her.

 _"Since being home, we've not done much."_ Reiner added in _"We're on reserve at the moment."_

Being on reserve essentially was being on leave but having to be prepared to be called back at any given time.

It was reminiscent of the time at the cottage when the men would drift about between the house and garden. None of them having anything particular to do, they relaxed.

On the wall on the other side, even the likes of Erwin was found to be doing little more than engaging in quiet conversation, upon the steps Mike was busy polishing his boots.

Armin and Marco were in the middle of a card game with a few of the other men {Name} was not yet familiar with.

It was a far cry from the duties Shadis told {Name} that they undertook.

As though the thought of the man acted like a calling card {Name}'s shoulders sagged when Bertholdt nudged her side _"Your uh? Wife?"_ His voice wobbled with his expressed confusion when he pointed to the woman waving wildly from the other side of the road.

As of yet {Name} was not given time to even try and explain the predicament that was Hange.

Fixed in place {Name} could only stare at Hange, the waving soon accompanied by a call for {Name}'s attention she felt hot around the collar when her eyes landed on the small child swinging back and forth on Hange's arm.

 _"Isn't that your boy?"_ One of the soldiers piped up from the bottom step, thumb jabbing in the small boy's direction.

There was no possible way to avoid Hange this time around. Forewarned that Zoe would make an appearance, the matter of the boy hanging off her arm was not mentioned at all.

Swinging a leg over {Name} hopped off the wall, looking both ways before jogging across the road a boot swung out for the boy to step on, hands under his arms the foot he stood on was used to throw him up onto {Name}'s chest. Tiny arms closing around {Name}'s neck the boy near squealed with happiness at seeing {Name}.

Scruffing a hand through the thick waves of dark hair on the boys head Hange smiled widely _"He doesn't react like that when Keith comes home."_ Head cocking to peer around at her son whose legs kicked as his hands clapped Hange flicked her gaze to {Name} _"Maybe it would not be so bad if you were my husband."_ Laughing Hange's arms were thrown wide the hands waving as if to say she was joking.

Head cocked {Name} repositioned Klaus so that he was no longer pressing on her hip _"Was it necessary to bring him?"_ It was going to be hard enough to explain Hange away, but now with an actual child thrown in the mix, it was going to be a worse conversation than the one involving the redhead back in France.

In the three months spent under Keith's schooling, {Name} oddly enough stayed at his house shared with his wife -Hange- and son.

In the times {Name} was not being taught or shown something, she'd spent the time with Hange, the two becoming close it made a nice change to have some female company.

Hange lent in suddenly, a hand cupping over her mouth to whisper _"I thought it would make it that little more believable."_ Nodding excitedly Hange stepped back, fingers pinching lightly at the small child's chubby cheek _"Besides, he was asking where you were."_

With a slight rise in her brow {Name} turned to look at the boy, his smile cheeky, but somehow conniving, he was very literally a mini Hange.

 _"Well, I've missed you too."_ Smiling down at Klaus it was hard to stay mad when he wriggled happily in her arms.

It wasn't long until the conversation switched from pleasantries to a series tone, a slight furrow in {Name}'s brow when Zoe gave instructions.

 _"Keith will collect you at two in the morning,"_ hands hidden in the pockets of the coat Hange's lips curled _"Have you prepared it?"_

Subconsciously tapping the breast pocket {Name} inclined her head. The powder Hange slipped across the table the day before soluble, it was now a liquid.

Stored in a small vial and ready to be used _"It's good to go."_ Confirming that the small amount of preparation was complete {Name}'s head bowed forward when Hange crooked a finger to usher her closer _"You'll get to dress up too."_ Sounding far more excited at the news than {Name} was, Hange's brows wiggled.

There was no cause for joy at being told that {Name} would be dressed up. Especially not with knowing what she would be doing.

Breaking away from one another {Name} tried passing Klaus back to Hange, arms out and waiting he clung tightly {Name}, almost throttling her _"Maybe we should walk."_ Nodding towards the corner of the road when {Name}'s attention drifted to the men paying far too close attention from the other side of the road Hange agreed with a skip in her step.

Stopping to wave goodbye to those watching, small and confused ones were returned, a hand pushing Zoe to speed her along {Name}'s head dropped as the woman spun round to attach on {Name}'s free side.

With gritted teeth {Name} tilted her head to Hange _"You're enjoying this."_ She growled in aggravation.

 _"Oh, every second of it."_ Hange giggled in return.


	8. Chapter 8

Up until the last second, everything went to plan, minus the time delay for the narcotic to take effect.

The minor deviation being that {Name} was half buried beneath the internal intelligence officer. Having finally succumbed before they'd made it to the bed he laid strewn across {Name}'s legs face down between her thighs.

Pressed up on the elbows {Name}'s head was thrown back with an aggravated groan and an obnoxiously loud cough.

The door of the room swinging open {Name} brought up her head just as Keith slid into the room.

 _"Cosy are we?"_ Shadis's curtness done little more than agitate {Name}. Something the man saw instantly and played upon as he took his time in getting too her.

Hand jutting at the man unconscious on her legs {Name} clicked her tongue _"It's like being wrapped in silk being under him."_ Being curt in return a carefully pencilled brow shot up when Keith mentioned that he would leave her where she was.

Throwing out a hand {Name} caught Keith's forearm _"Get him off me."_

A sigh lifted Shadis's shoulders _"Heave ho."_

Giving a firm push the large man -who was snoring like a content pig- was finally rolled from {Name}.

Two arms coming under to hoist {Name} up Keith held her at arm's length _"Now paint on a smile,"_ tapping her cheek he scowled _"That makeup was expensive, and I don't want it wasted on that mare of a face you're pulling."_

Jibing at {Name} he sidestepped as she blew out a puff of air to remove the single curl of hair that fell across her forehead.

Doing as was expected {Name} rested beside the door once Keith set to work on turning out every possible place the correspondence he wanted, could have been hidden.

Cigarette between the teeth {Name} kept a heel pressed to the door _"Did Olou--!"_

Cut off when Keith stood abruptly from the plant pot he'd been expecting a slip of paper waved between his soiled fingers _"I told you already that he was released."_ Sniping over a shoulder, Keith patted down the soil, before going about and covering the ransacking he'd done of the room.

Swallowing back the apprehensive bubble in the back of her throat {Name} nodded, exhaling the smoke _"I know."_ Running a hand across the tear on the hip, it pulsed from when the man landed on it.

In time Keith came back to standing in the middle of the bedroom, the piece of paper flipped open his eyes flicked back and forth _"It's in code."_ With a monotone, he slipped it to an inside pocket of his coat _"I will have to have Zoe look at it."_

Head tilting {Name} jabbed the cigarette fingers at the intelligence officer still laid out on the floor _"What about him?"_

Standing over the man Keith sniffed the air like he was smelling something quite repugnant _"We don't want to draw suspicion."_ Answering with a wave of the hand Keith stepped back _"Leave him as is."_

Checking that the corridor was empty {Name} slipped out the room first, closely followed by Shadis. Going in opposite directions {Name} took the staircase back into the foyer while Keith snuck out the very way he'd come in.

Retrieving the fur coat from the maid {Name} avoided the elderly woman's judgmental stare, {Name} was not guilty of what the woman believed her to be.

With a flirtatious wave, {Name} stepped out into the night air, returning to the car that'd brought her to the Manor House a few hours earlier her heart thudded sharply behind her lung.

At any point it could have gone wrong, there was a brief moment {Name} thought it would.

Breaking into a cold sweat when the intelligence officer became far more interested in what {Name} had to offer than the drink she'd spiked for him, it took a few whispered promises and a hand under the glass to get things back on track.

With the car crawling through the gates it came to a halt, the passenger door opening {Name} eyed Keith warily when he slipped into the seat beside her.

Settling in a nod to the driver they continued on, being over half a day away from Berlin their drive was going to be a long one.

With a hand patting {Name}'s arm she looked across at Shadis when he dug into his pocket. A thick letter produced it was held up for a short time, before being offered to her _"You done well tonight."_

Taking the letter, {Name} narrowed her gaze curiously before flipping it over to inspect the handwriting. Heart caught in a vice on recognising it, {Name} cupped a hand to her mouth.

The not so delicate scrawl was that of Olou's.

 


	9. Chapter 9

On the drive back to Berlin it was quickly established that it was far easier changing out of the SS uniform while in transit than it was to get it back on.

The swaying and bumping along the uneven roads only adding more grief to what should have been a trivial task, {Name} surmised that it was enough that she was back in the shirt and trousers.

Boots, jacket and the utility belts she was forced to wear, left in the open space beside her.

Tossing back a canister of water and cloth Keith reminded {Name} to brush out the hairdo she'd spent time constructing. The gentle waves falling out with time, it was easier to pin up her hair.

Running the damp cloth over her face {Name} leant in the gap of the front seats, a glance in the mirror telling {Name} she was makeup free, she turned to Keith for extra assurance that nothing was missed. In the early morning sun, Keith squinted, a hand cupping his eyes a firm nod came.

Relieved {Name} settled back in the seat, the jacket bunched up to create a pillow she placed it up against the window before putting her head down.

They still had at least a six-hour drive, {Name} wanted some sleep before she'd face a bombarding of questions for the unexplained absence of almost two days.

Brushing down Isabelle's nose, {Name} made soft clicking sounds as Isabelle greedily lapped up the chopped apple in her palm.

Sitting crossed legged on a hay bale {Name} turned to where Levi was re-shoeing Farlan, the back leg curled up and kept secure between Levi's legs, he looked calm, at ease with the work.

 _"Levi?"_ {Name} waited, a few seconds passing before Levi made a sound to say he was listening.

Shuffling around on the hay {Name} unfolded one leg, letting it dangle down _"Did you want to look after horses, or did you just take over from your parents?"_

Levi paused, head angled as though in thought _"A bit of both."_ Returning to what he was doing Levi patted down Farlan's leg, ducking under Farlan's belly to do the other back leg.

Shifting on the hay bale again {Name} tapped the tips of her fingers together _"If you didn't have the farm, what do you think you'd be doing?"_ Biting at the sleeve of the jumper she was wearing {Name}'s mouth became a thin line on hearing Levi scoff _"How would I know?"_ Blunt as always he looked across to {Name} when she asked a follow-up question _"Well, what would you want to do?"_

Eyes narrowed Levi put Farlan's leg down, tugging the cloth stuffed in the waistband of his trousers he wiped his hands _"Why are you so full of questions today?"_ Showing suspicion for {Name}'s sudden inquisitive and intrusive questions Levi stared her up and down.

Tongue dragging over her lips {Name} shrugged, a nervousness laying on top the intense morning sickness, a deep sigh deflated her chest _"I'm pregnant."_ Announcing the news that she was expecting {Name} waited for Levi's reaction.

Levi went pale, swaying to the side a hand came out to find support. What Levi found was Farlan, the contact startling the steed, he kicked out, sending Levi across the barn.

The second {Name}'s feet hit the barn floor, it slipped away from under them.

A rough swerve of the car, {Name}'s head knocked sharply on the window, forcing her to wake with a start. Confused {Name} blinked rapidly trying to clear the sleepy film that coated both eyes, a hand running down a leg she shifted up the seat.

 _"Good timing,"_ Keith spoke from the front, his voice rousing {Name} a little more, a quick shake of the head threw off the last of the sleep, but it left behind the lingering sickness she'd felt in the dream.

A year passed since the last dream Levi entered, at the time still in France {Name} woke to the not so pleasant news that Nile was dead. Baffled by the sudden appearance, and choice of memory {Name} dug the heels of her hands into both eyes, rubbing at them to shake off the image of Levi's sudden pallor.

 _"Out you get,"_ Keith ordered, not giving {Name} much time to properly come too she picked up the clothing items she'd left off, stepping onto the pavement outside the hotel the door slammed closed behind.

Stretching out the stiffness in her back {Name} angled her face to avoid catching the eye of the man on the top step, using the excuse of slipping on her boots to further delay meeting with Erwin.

Shrugging into the jacket {Name} knew it couldn't be held off for much longer, there was no further reason for her to remain at the foot of the steps. Taking each step slowly {Name} was thankful that Erwin let her pass, the relief evaporating when his hand closed on her arm, forcing her to stop.

 _"Where have you been?"_ Erwin clipped out the words. Conversing with {Name} on a commander and medic level, rather than personal {Name} pulled out of his hold _"Out of town."_ Knowing that she had to remain evasive, {Name} steered out of Erwin's reach.

Erwin turned, stepping back inside, the door closed behind him _"That's not the answer I was looking for."_ Curt and to the point Erwin walked around until he was stood directly in front of {Name}.

Releasing a frustrated breath {Name} finally met with Erwin's cold stare _"It's not what you want, but it's what you're going to get."_ Matching Erwin's tone with one of her own {Name} held up a hand when he tried to speak again _"It is not that I don't want to tell you, Erwin,"_ drawing in a breath and lowering to a whisper she swallowed _"It's that I can't."_

The stipulation of the deal with Keith and the Gestapo was laid out, painfully clear, and allowing no exceptions.

 _"I have far too much balanced on my shoulders,"_ managing to keep the sharp edge to her tone {Name}'s head tilted back _"And there are far more important things than sate you and your selfish demands."_

Not waiting to hear, or even witness Erwin's reaction to her turnabout attitude {Name} sidestepped him, keeping her head straight as she headed towards the stairs, her stride cut short when Erwin gave a response.

 _"You should make arrangements for your accommodation with Keith,"_ Erwin paused, head turning but not enough that {Name} could see his face her fingers curled up into tight fists _"There isn't room for you here."_


	10. Chapter 10

Unlike Erwin who kept his back to {Name}, a half turn was made.

The foot lingering on the first step dragged back when an arm rose, the hand thrown out and waving in a circle _"Throwing a tantrum 'cause you're not getting your own way."_ Tongue-clicking sharply {Name} let the arm slap back to her side _"You've got a nerve."_ A scoffing breath finishing up the sentence {Name} took the stairs.

If Erwin wanted {Name} to leave, then that was what she would do. Too tired to try and sate Erwin a confident stride carried {Name} toward the room they were sharing.

More than aware that Erwin was in slow pursuit {Name} was somewhat thankful that there was very little needing to be collected from his room. The small carry bag packed before Erwin was even in the doorway, it was swung up, and over a shoulder, the discarded rifle kicked at the butt to make it fall into her waiting hand.

Crossing each other's paths at the door, {Name} focused on the far wall, adamant not to meet with Erwin's gaze she didn't even make it to the corner before Erwin made a sharp, sniping comment.

Jaw set rigid bag and rifle fell with a thud either side of her. Tongue pushing at the backs of the teeth {Name} made a sharp roundabout turn, a fist coming with it, it caught Erwin in full force across his jaw.

Finally, some of Keith's training was paying off, it dislodged Erwin's footing, a hand preparing to touch the area she'd hit, it didn't make it before {Name} threw her body at his.

Falling back through the door {Name} landed on top of Erwin, knee's slamming down on his chest, it knocked the air out of him. Taking advantage of Erwin's bewildered state, {Name} repositioned her legs, the knees pushed down on the joints of his arm.

Under no illusion that Erwin could dislodge {Name} in a second, his experience making a significant difference to {Name}'s potluck for getting as far as she had, the grip she held on the lapels of his jacket relaxed.

The situation was reminiscent of the night they'd first gone to bed, except it was {Name}'s hip-baring a wound.

One that Erwin was very aware of.

A sharp jerk freed Erwin's arm, the hand catching the hip it made {Name} curl in on her side, Erwin's knee lifted, he used it to force her off his chest.

Like they'd been that night {Name} used a foot to push at Erwin's waist, an arm pinned above her head, the other was forced between their chests to keep him from pushing down on her.

Breaths coming in short and sharp pants, the spark that had set them rolling towards this moment, was absent.

 _"You insufferable bastard!"_ Hissing out each word {Name} ground the heel of her boot in Erwin's hip. In return Erwin pushed the knee keeping her leg at an angle down, the pressure pinching the skin to the floor.

Using the hand between their chests {Name} curled it back, the nails digging in Erwin's cheek. Elbow and wrist burning from the odd angle {Name} didn't let up, not until Erwin secured the wrist, forcing both hands above her head.

 _"Five."_ Erwin breathed, adjusting his body, the knee released {Name}'s thigh.

Frustration subsiding {Name}'s brow creased, lips parting to question Erwin, he seized the opportunity, his mouth closing overs she bit harshly on his bottom lip.

Pulling back sharply Erwin's narrowed gaze softened _"Six."_

The oddity of his counting killed off the anger {Name} held for him at that moment _"What?"_

Though it was bitter, Erwin smiled _"I told you I was keeping a tally on how many times you've hit me."_

Stunned {Name} blinked up at Erwin, the last of her anger evaporating, but not before the leg left free between Erwin's snapped up, again, for a third time catching him _"Make it seven."_

Pushing at Erwin's shoulder he didn't resist it, instead rolling onto his side and just like the first time {Name} kicked him, both hands cupped between his legs.

Shuffling across the floor until she could sit up {Name} watched Erwin as he too sat up. The slight wince present in one eye, he adjusted, his back resting on the drawers behind both arms sat over his risen knees.

Four bright red welts marred Erwin's cheek, included was a small split in his lip. For {Name} the agitated hip blazed with a pulsating heat, a hand falling over it, she positioned herself to relieve some of the pressure on it.

 _"When we landed back in France, I went to the hospital you were meant to be working in, that same night."_ Fingers rubbing under his lip Erwin slanted his gaze when {Name} looked up at him.

 _"I hadn't slept in two days, it took eight hours for us to get back,"_ a quick cough cleared his throat _"But I didn't care, I just wanted to see you. Wanted to know you were alive."_ A humourless laugh lifted his shoulders "We'd been gone a lot longer than intended, we ended up coming close more than once to meeting our ends," Erwin's eyes closed "And all I kept thinking about was you."

It felt like someone was closing a hand around {Name}'s heart, pinching and clawing at it. Sucking in her cheeks {Name} bit on them, she'd left the hospital after just six weeks.

Erwin's eyes opened, but only part way _"When I asked for you, they said no one had seen you in months."_ His breath hitched _"I assumed the worst."_

With Jean's aid, they'd left the city for the neighbouring one. Running into Kurt as they made their escape left {Name} no other option but to stay gone.

 _"I drank myself stupid that night."_ Head angling Erwin ran a hand across the lower half of his face, the fingers curling around his mouth Erwin inhaled deeply _"It was in the weeks before you showed back up that I found out you were ok."_

That must have been the same day Jean came by, alerting {Name} that they were back.

 _"Kurt stopped your friend, the little Frenchman, and asked about his wife."_ The last word came out bitterly _"I recognised him, Jean, from when you were drinking with him, and he propositioned you."_

At the memory, {Name} felt the grip of nostalgia twist her gut. Jean had been nothing but a gentleman in the whole time they were together, never once bringing anything up like he did that night in the pub.

 _"I was confused between relief in knowing you were ok and angry that you'd found someone else."_ Erwin laughed, it was a genuine one _"I think he tried explaining to me that you weren't actually married. I ignored him."_

A tingle of guilt crept up {Name}'s chest. The picture of Jean trying to correct the information Erwin received making her smile, he'd never mentioned it in the last time they'd seen each other.

Sighing heavily Erwin lowered one of his legs, fingers rubbing at the marks she'd left on his cheek _"Then when you did show up, with the child in tow and announced it was Mike's, I actually forgot, that he couldn't be yours."_

Eyes dropping to the floor {Name} rubbed a thumb in the palm of the opposite hand, the icy reception she'd received that day {Name} was sure acted like a catalyst for the drastic reaction to what Bertholdt blurted out.

 _"Then you did what you did,"_ Erwin's voice became sharp _"And I knew there was nothing I could do to stop them taking you."_

Remembering the arrest {Name} knew she'd messed up at that moment, but at the same time she was relieved that she was able to see Erwin for what she believed would be the last time.

 _"Those nine months were the most painful, I'd ever experienced."_ Erwin's voice wavered, a quick inhale and it was steady again _"No one would tell me anything."_ Hands coming together Erwin pressed them to his forehead.

For six of the nine months {Name} truly wished they'd shot her the same day of her arrest.

Instead {Name} became some kind of plaything for the men who held her in that dark cell.

A shiver traversed {Name}'s spine, legs drawn tight to her chest, she hugged them, her head dropping down into the small gap.

It was a place that {Name} never wanted to revisit.

 _"When Keith turned up with you,"_ A squeak of rubber on wood alerted {Name} that Erwin was moving _"I felt the most alive I had since you were taken."_ Gingerly a hand fell on {Name}'s head, travelling around until it slipped under her chin forcing her head up _"Your eyes were hollow, and you seemed different. When you lied so quickly, I knew something in you had changed."_

Bringing his head down so that their gazes were level {Name} hiccuped on the sob building in her chest.

 _"I have no idea what is going on in your head anymore. You used to be so easy to read, but now it's like staring at blank pages."_ Erwin whispered gently.

Keeping a lid on the want to break down and tell Erwin everything, {Name} forced in a slow and jittery breath.

_"I want the woman I fell in love with, back."_

Unwinding from the defensive position she put her body in, {Name} threw her arms around Erwin, burying in his neck her fingers slid up into his hair.

The want to tell Erwin everything was there, at the tip of her tongue, but she bit it back.

However {Name} offered enough, to keep Erwin from pushing her for answers.

 _"They have Olou, his wife and their kids. I say anything or even make one wrong move. It's not just me who will face the firing squad."_ Voice trembling {Name} slid back from Erwin, his arms loosening in their hold _"I have to do what they tell me to."_ Fingers teetering across Erwin's jaw {Name} slid them up, encompassing his face with them _"And that includes not telling you anything."_

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Curled up among the sheets a pillow was dragged to her, arms wrapping around it in a one-sided hug {Name} burrowed deeper into the warmth of the bed.

Giving Erwin the tidbit it made him back off in prying out the purpose of her meetings with Keith. Far from pleased Erwin had bundled {Name} up before dropping her on the bed with a simple order of getting some rest.

It was needed, for she was mentally and physically tired. Included in the mix an emotional strain, she'd drifted off with little complaint.

Behind the eyes Levi's image was still imprinted, the dream come memory continuing on from the last, {Name} departed it when a knock came sharp and intrusive on the door.

Just about reaching the moment Levi expressed joy at the prospect of being a father, she'd woken.

A tug on the edge of the duvet made {Name} grumble, holding tight and rolling away from the edge, a small giggle filling the room had one eye cracking open.

A tuft of hair and two eyes blinked over the edge of the bed, small fingers tapping like spider legs on the mattress {Name} reached an arm down; scooping Caleb up on the bed and bringing him under the duvet.

Pressed nose to nose a tired smile swept across {Name}'s mouth when Caleb's hands came together, an excited giggle accompanied with a whispered _"Morning Mama."_ He wriggled closer, head tucking under {Name}'s chin she kept him close to her chest.

If Caleb was in the hotel, it meant Mina was around somewhere. Which lead to the question of who let Caleb in the room.

Head coming up when a new weight was added to the bed {Name} met with Mina's steady gaze _"You look like hell chewed you up and spat you out."_ Commenting waspishly Mina inspected her nails, they were painted to perfection.

Pressing up on one arm {Name} moved Caleb to lay on her chest when she moved part way up the headboard _"I can break more than your nose this time."_ Returning in kind the tone of greeting, a smile found its way across her mouth when Mina muttered _"Touché."_

Combing Caleb's hair with her fingers {Name} waited patiently for Mina to announce the purpose of the visit. Both hands in view, the idea that Mina would try and stab {Name} came and passed. Doubting that the woman strutting across the room to the mirror would do harm while Caleb was in {Name}'s arms, she relaxed a little.

Mouth open the edge of the thumbnail scraped away the tiniest amount of lipstick that was smudged, their eyes catching in the reflection a snide smile ripped across Mina's mouth _"I didn't know you were in bed with Erwin too."_ A single finger dabbed across the crimson shade of her mouth _"I would have thought to have Mike was enough for you."_ Straightening a hip curved out to partially seat her rear on the dresser.

{Name} diverted her gaze, what could she say to that?

A melodic laugh tumbled from Mina, hand waving back and forth _"Oh sweetheart. I am beyond caring at this point,"_ she mused, eyes crinkling in delight at the edges _"If I'm honest, you have done me a favour."_ Though her breath hitched, Mina continued to smile, it was warm.

Not entirely sure of what was happening {Name} kept an arm around Caleb before sitting up properly, his small arms circling her waist, she rested her chin on his head _"Why are you here Mina?"_ Brow narrowed and curious {Name} felt her jaw become slack when Mina casually announced that she was returning Caleb, and officially giving Mike the boot.

Arm out the hand grasped at air when Mina practically waltzed out the door. The woman was out of her mind, Mike aside, Caleb could not stay with {Name}.

With care but still in a rush {Name} skidded to a halt at the foot of the steps. With Mina and Mike conversing aggressively at the door, {Name} walked carefully to Erwin's side, the pair of them spectating the unforeseen turn of events.

Caleb swerving roughly to the side it forced {Name} to throw out an arm to keep him from toppling. Head bobbing up and down Caleb tried to reach for Erwin's cap, his fingers falling short a frustrated cry made him flop back against {Name}'s chest.

Awkwardness setting in as Mike and Mina's exchange became louder and more understandable {Name} ducked her head when Mina gestured toward her and made a less than kind comment.

Beside {Name} a frustrated sigh deflated Erwin's chest, his fingers pinching at the bridge of his nose _"We're in a middle of a war,"_ aggravated Erwin flicked off the cap when Caleb made another grab for it, passing it to him _"And they want to have a domestic."_

 _"Don't think I don't know about all the others either Mike Zacharius."_ Mina's finger jabbed at Mike's chest, the pretty face contorted in a rage.

It was painful to watch, but all the same entertaining for all the wrong reasons.

In time it ended with Mina landing an impressive slap, the sound making even Erwin's face scrunch a fraction it quickly became tense when Mina turned to him.

 _"Erwin dear, don't be a stranger,"_ with a solicitous wink Mina's neatly pencilled brow curved _"It's been quiet without your visits."_

Mouth filling with air {Name} cast her gaze to the side, the want to burst out laughing putting a strain on her chest, especially when Mike shot a sharp eye Erwin's way. It was in the wiggle of Mina's brow, and the slight smile turned on {Name} that told {Name} what Mina was up to.

With Mike angrily focused on Erwin, Mina slipped down the steps and away. Entirely unscathed of the heated to and throw with Mike.

Erwin met Mike's stare with an impassive one, with nothing to say on Mina's suggestive outburst, an oppressive atmosphere enveloped them all. It made {Name} fidget, shoulders rolling to shake off the sensation crawling down her back she stopped when Caleb lurched suddenly, arms out and reaching _"Daddy?"_

With little thought, {Name} went to hand Caleb over, stopping dead when noticing Mike's face fade from anger to outright hurt.

Caleb's small arms were out and waiting, not for Mike, but Erwin.

Trying to fathom how or even why Caleb was calling for Erwin and not Mike, a firm and painful squeeze took a hold on her chest. With a hand dragging down his face Mike turned, the door slammed on his departure.

Reluctantly Caleb was taken out of {Name}'s hold and balanced on Erwin's side. A deep frown painting Erwin's expression, an odd ache settled in {Name}'s gut.

 _"He must have picked the word up."_ {Name} tried to reason, the situation much like how Caleb had wrongly come to call her mama.

Erwin hummed, Caleb's head settled on his shoulder _"Mike should never have taken him to Mina."_ Blunt and exasperated Erwin met with {Name}'s conflicted gaze _"He can't stay here."_ Reminding her that it was not a place to raise a child and that it would raise too many questions {Name}'s chest contracted painfully.

There was nowhere {Name} could take Caleb.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Closing access off to the kitchen to keep those not in the know from casting speculation, a dense and suppressive atmosphere filled the room.

On one side of the kitchen was Erwin, legs and arms crossed he rested on the counter. Adjacent Mike adopted the very same stance.

The two men locked in a subzero staring match it left {Name} in no man's land at the table, with Caleb none the wiser to the debacle he caused earlier that morning.

Their immediate concern should have been where Caleb was going to stay, already seeking help from Hange, the request for him to stay there was outright refused.

Silence stretching on {Name} combed back Caleb's hair, there was only one avenue open to them. Already talking it over with Shadis he'd readily agreed, for though Keith was uncaring at times, he understood the importance of Caleb's well-being to {Name}.

All arrangements would be prepared by Keith, once the only obstacle in the way of the plan of action, agreed to it.

Taking a deep breath, {Name} figuratively put her head above the parapet _"I can take him to France."_ Arms loosening around Caleb when he wriggled {Name} kept the focus on the table _"My parents would look after him."_ Losing volume in her voice {Name} swallowed down the nervous bubble rising up her throat.

There was no immediate family Mike could ask to care for Caleb. There was not a chance of asking Mina's parents, not when they were informed of Mike's fathering Caleb in France.

Word of mouth delivering the revelation that Mina's sudden change of heart was due to her seeing a captain of a Panzer unit, Mike was given another blow that day in finding his stuff left in the street.

{Name} waited for either man to talk, even if only one of their opinions mattered regarding the small boy sat on her lap.

Mike shifted rapidly, boot slapping down on the tiled floor it made {Name} jump, and in turn Caleb squeal in surprise.

 _"No."_ Contrite, Mike objected defensively.

Meeting with Mike's emblazoned stare {Name} stretched an arm across the table, palm flipped up _"Do you have any better ideas?"_ Trying to be sensitive about it {Name} curled back her fingers when Mike pushed off the side and approached the table.

Gripping the edge Mike leant across until he was almost nose to nose with {Name} _"I have no ideas, other than you needing to be reminded he is not yours."_ Withdrawing Mike dropped slowly into a chair, one hand relinquishing the hold on the table he kneaded the knuckles to his forehead.

Curling back the arm on the table {Name} fought back the surge of emotion in her chest, but it didn't hold back the tears littering the edge of her eyesight.

Jaw wiggling side to side {Name} smiled soothingly when Caleb's small hands reached up, trying to wipe away the gathered tears, but instead poking the corner of her eye _"That's why I am asking."_ Able to contain the anger that wanted to wrap around her tongue and fire off one vile sentence after another {Name} remained reasonable _"If he was mine, I'd already been on the way to Paris."_

Forgiving Mike's wounding reminder that {Name} was not Caleb's actual mother, she rested back in the chair _"You don't get to be selfish in this. If you can't find somewhere safe for him to go, he goes to Paris by the morning."_ Using a heel to kick back the chair {Name} slid Caleb off her legs, his arms up and showing that he wanted to be held she shook her head.

Tiny fingers latching into the leg of a trouser Caleb jumped up and down, he was usually never so restless and needy of {Name}'s attention.

Being separated for almost a year must have created some attachment issues, as he was also reluctant and whiny to go when {Name} first met Mina.

It carved out a new, much deeper wound in her chest. If only {Name} never returned to the city all those months ago, she could have finished out the war in relative peace.

 _"Enough Cal,"_ placing a hand out to tell him to stop, the comfort in returning to speaking in French warmed her but made her feel homesick all the same. Being back in the city she was born in, lost its appeal quickly, she missed France, missed speaking the language.

Caleb huffed before the tears started, his tiny feet running around the table he threw himself at Mike's legs.

Scooping Caleb up with one arm Mike's face relaxed, eyes crinkling warmly when Caleb burrowed into his chest.

The snippet of panic that came when Caleb started running washed away when he found Mike the clenched fist relaxed.

{Name} still couldn't understand why Caleb called Erwin 'daddy'.

The swaying of the kitchen door made {Name} lookup, the wood still going back and forth it allowed {Name} to catch a glimpse of Erwin's back.

Having stayed quiet the whole time the unexpected departure made {Name} frown, stepping to the door she waited on following when Mike spoke up "Take him to your parents." Agreeing to the suggestion, he turned to look at {Name}, standing he kept Caleb tight to his chest as he approached.

 _"Thank you, {Name}."_ Mumbling Mike put a kiss to {Name}'s forehead, it was warm and loving. Almost like they were a small dysfunctional family.

In a whirl of confusion, all {Name} could do was nod. Pointing to the door, {Name} moved a fraction to it before Mike waved her off.

Not wanting to lose Erwin a quick sprint brought her out into the entrance lobby, the door ajar she lurched towards it.

Looking up and down the street, {Name} caught sight of Erwin before he turned the corner. Too far away to call after {Name} hurried down the steps, breaking into a brisk jog to catch up she fell into step beside Erwin.

Barely acknowledging her presence, Erwin offered a quick glance before continuing on. Keeping to Erwin's side {Name} carefully hooked a finger around the little one on Erwin's hand.

A few seconds passed before Erwin responded to the contact, his fingers closing around hers, they stopped under a street lamp.

Eyes cast off at some distant point Erwin took back his hand, setting it in his pocket _"Even though Caleb isn't yours,"_ Erwin started, some hesitance vibrating his vocal chords _"He is another thing Mike gave you, that I never will be able to."_

Meeting in a dead-on stare {Name}'s heart missed a few vital beats, leaving a cold and aching sensation in her chest _"What?"_

Erwin's face relaxed, eyes softening he raised a hand, the fingers brushing over her stomach _"I know you can't have a child of your own, but unintentionally Mike gave you the chance to be a mother."_

Taking back the hand Erwin looked off up the street, it was strangely busy _"I can never give you that opportunity,"_ the closest to mumbling Erwin had ever been he coughed, clearing a false obstruction in his throat _"I know you've always wanted a daughter, and I can never give you that."_

 


	13. Chapter 13

Believing the worst part of the journey was over, {Name} was painfully wrong.

The two men acting as an escort were sour and silent for the duration of the trip. No doubt Keith's parting words being the cause, {Name} knew that Keith told both Erwin and Mike that if {Name} did not come back, it would be on their heads.

Thankful for Caleb on the long travel, he kept {Name} focused on him, rather than the two men who still refused to engage the other in even polite conversation.

Chest tight and breaths short {Name} covered her mouth, stomach heaving violently it took all self-control not to vomit in the middle of the street.

Blocked from the view of the man talking with Erwin and Mike, it didn't stop her from seeing his face or hearing his voice.

All over again {Name} felt his breath hot and lurid on her neck. The sound of his pleasures experienced with {Name}'s body trickled into her ear, just like it did then. Refusing to close her eyes for fear of seeing his face over hers again {Name} took a step back.

Caleb was safe, standing between Mike and Erwin.

Another step back {Name} twisted on the heel of her shoe, the alley between house and shop providing an exit to slip away, she ran.

Forgetting the strict warning from Shadis it wasn't long until {Name} broke out the other side, eyes watering from constraining the sickness that riled at seeing him a hand rubbed at them roughly.

Paris was still busy, damaged, but alive as it always had been.

The homely feeling {Name} felt on arriving twisted up in her need to be as far from the men she'd run from.

Moving up along the street {Name} was almost at the corner when a shout came from behind. Glancing back {Name} watched Erwin, closely followed by Mike with Caleb in his arms break through the crowd.

They'd not seen her as of yet.

Jerking forward {Name} ran down the sidewalk she'd turned into, with one destination in mind she navigated the streets of her youth with ease.

Approaching the white front houses {Name} stopped, chest straining for a decent breath she counted each house.

Fourth, it was the fourth house. The one with the window boxes growing tulips, and the slightly bent gate latch.

It was Olou who'd bent it. They were eight and ten back then, Olou tried opening the gate, but it'd become stuck. With exuberant effort and energy, Olou had backed up and run at the gate like a bull charging.

It worked, the gate opened. Olou however, hadn't stopped running and ploughed straight into the steps. Two scuffed knees, one head wound and a lot of tears their mother had rushed out, closely followed by their dad.

A smile stretched {Name}'s mouth at the memory, she recalled being stood at the bottom step confused, her shoulders shrugging when their dad looked at her.

Wiping at her eyes again {Name} hugged herself.

The gate latch had caught Levi out the first time he came to her parent's house. It was a tricky thing that required a special wiggle and lift to open. {Name} didn't forewarn Levi of it, and so the first time her parents set eyes on Levi, he'd been swearing like a sailor over the gate as {Name} was virtually rolling across the pavement laughing.

Hands clapping over her eyes {Name} took in a deep shuddering breath. She wanted to be that little girl again who ran in the street after Olou and the neighbourhood kids playing games. Wanted to go back and tell Levi in advance that the gate was tricky, and warn him that her mother would box his ears for swearing.

It was the only time {Name} played witness to Levi being so cowed, apologising profusely after {Name}'s mum gave him a fine wallop across the head.

Olou had spent that entire day grinning and sniggering at it all. Levi was beyond pissed but kept his common verbal snipes and jeers at bay.

_"{Name}."_

It was weak and sounded with some denial. It was also warm and made {Name}'s heart swell, arms falling against her sides she peeked up at the tall man at the foot of the steps.

_"Dad?"_

Wobbling forward {Name}'s arms were thrown out when he hopped the fence. For a man in his sixties, he was still agile. The proof being in the run he took toward her, scooping {Name} up in his arms.

If it were possible {Name} would have held tighter to him. Both of them squeezing so tight it constricted their breaths. It took time, but he eventually let her go, holding her at arm's length _"Let me look at you."_ Hands moving from {Name}'s shoulders they cupped her face _"Oh darling."_ He whispered when she leant heavily into his hand, no longer withholding the tears, she let them fall freely.

Pinning it on the fact that Olou's dad was the primary doctor who'd cared for {Name} during her stint in the hospital, she'd been a complete daddy's girl when growing up.

Being in his caring and firm embrace, was the safest she'd felt since the start of the war.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Sitting in the middle of the bed {Name} listened to the voices drifting up the stairwell.

They'd arrived roughly three hours after {Name} to be met with her mother, father and Olou. All who were putting a blockade to keep Erwin or Mike from coming upstairs.

It was hard, but {Name} explained it all to her parents, everything that happened up until the point she turned up on their doorstep again. Only editing out the details of Mike, and the time that she was in prison.

For the first time, {Name} heard her mother swear that day. It put {Name} at odds with herself, she couldn't understand why they were not angry, or even hurt by her actions.

Instead, she was swept up in a tight hug and called stupid over and over until the word lost all its meaning.

A knock on the bedroom door {Name} squeezed the pillow she'd been hugging, silently praying that it was not Erwin or Mike at the door _"Come in."_ Calling out, there was a brief pause before the door opened and a head popped through.

 _"You should probably come downstairs,"_ Olou started, his face oddly vacant _"Mum just slapped the blonde one."_ Not obvious at first {Name} knew why Olou was keeping a straight face, his want to laugh at what their mother did, was suppressed.

Hand to face {Name} whined inwardly, thankful in knowing that Erwin would not act irrationally over the slap, she crawled to the edge of the bed.

{Name} didn't want to have to explain why she'd run off to a place where they would eventually have found her. Before leaving Germany, each of them was given the addresses of her parents and Olou so they would know where to go if {Name} vanished just as she had.

{Name} didn't want to speak about it to either of them or her family. It was the part she'd kept to herself.

Worrying over Caleb's well-being made {Name} blind to a cold hard fact.

Being held in Paris all those months ago, there was a very high chance she would encounter the men who tormented her in every possible way. It was just a pot of bad luck that they walked into the man who took a little too much enjoyment from it all.

Olou opened the door a little more trying to coax {Name} out _"He said something about how he can now see where you get it from?"_ He spoke with a beady eye on {Name}.

That, made {Name} smile a little, even if it was not a wholesome one.

Erwin reminded {Name} a week before that he was still keeping score on how many times she'd hit him. The total was seven to date, though technically it would be eight. For if {Name} did not run off, Erwin would not have received a slap from her mother.

Though it did beg the question of what he said, for her to do such a thing.

Keeping close to Olou's shadow they made way down the stairs to where both {Name}'s parents, Erwin and Mike were gathered.

A hand covering his eyes Erwin looked mentally exhausted, beside him Mike was no better facially. One step up and being told to be quiet was her mother, and at the bottom and trying to keep the peace was her father.

A quiet cough from Olou announced their presence, everyone looking up at once {Name} felt the sudden panic rise again, and almost turned tail to go back upstairs. It was only the reassurance of Olou that kept her in place.

Their father pushed the bridge of his wire-rimmed glasses up his nose, mouth in a tight line he snapped his fingers twice.

It meant to hurry up and explain herself.

Without realising both Olou and {Name} went rigid, just like they would do as children when their father snapped his fingers, their hands closed tight around each other.

At over thirty years of age, he still managed to frighten {Name} and Olou, with a look and a simple mannerism.

 _"It was {Name} who crashed the car into the lamppost that night!"_ Olou announced suddenly.

At once their parents turned to look at her, a guilty heat creeping across her skin a fist formed.

Like so many times before Olou was on the side of the bannister, jumping over it and running down the hall before {Name} ever had a chance to thump him for ratting her out for something. It was only in leaning over to yell at him for it, that she realised what he'd done.

The smile on his face speaking words he couldn't say.

Olou provided a distraction to keep {Name} from having to say why she'd run off.

Fingers drumming on the bannister {Name} swallowed, head turning slowly around as her father moved around the staircase to peer up at her _"If it weren't for the fact that was over fifteen years ago, you'd catch such a hiding."_ He spoke through clenched teeth before moving down the corridor and after Olou.

Tongue flicking across the lips {Name} slunk back from the bannister, it was time to face the men watching in bafflement from the foot of the stairs.

With reluctance {Name} came down the steps, each click of the heels she wore felt louder than they should have. Before her mother left them alone, a quick kiss was placed on {Name}'s cheek, a glitter of annoyance about the car remaining in her hazel eyes.

Taking in a slow breath, {Name} met with Erwin's gaze. It was cold and riddled with irritation, the subtle outline of the slap from {Name}'s mother only starting to fade.

Voice lost in the back of her throat {Name} shrugged at the silent questions being aimed like small stabbing knives with both of the men's eyes. By their appearance, it looked like she'd given them the run around for a long while before they found her parents house.

Caleb curled up and asleep on Mike's chest the serene image was a stark contrast to the face of the man holding the small child.

_"I'm sorry."_

Nothing else came to mind to say, and she was certainly not going to mention that they were laughing and joking with the man who put {Name} through hell.

Erwin took a step forward his hand swinging up {Name} raised her arms defensively as she flinched back. The action stunning Erwin and Mike, they stared wide-eyed at her. It was obvious Erwin was reaching for his hat, but to {Name} it was hauntingly familiar to a part of a routine she'd regularly witnessed.

They would move in misleading ways, looking like they were about to remove their hat or helmet, or even touch their hair or shoulder, until the last second when they would swing their hand down and slap {Name}.

It took time for {Name} to realise the pattern, and when she figured it out and started becoming defensive by raising her arms, they changed tactics.

Being back in Paris, and seeing the face of the man who orchestrated the months of degradation seemed to have a rather unwanted effect, as it roused the memories {Name} battled with daily to keep at the back of her mind.

{Name} felt angry at recalling Erwin and Mike smiling and laughing with the man, a sense of betrayal at their calm and friendly demeanour with him.

But it was impossible to say anything about it, not without telling them the reasoning behind it. Though Erwin was far more clued in than Mike to what happened, she didn't want to have to outline the more delicate details of it.

Wanting to skirt over the oddity of the reaction {Name} held out her arms to take Caleb _"My parents already said yes to taking him."_ Trying to speak calmly, her voice pitched oddly in the middle of the sentence.

Mike said nothing, instead carefully passing Caleb into {Name}'s arms and letting her cradle him to her chest _"Wait in there."_ Nodding to the double doors that lead to the living room {Name} took Caleb back up the stairs and to her room.

Easing him under the blankets {Name} stroked back the fluff of hair that fell around his eyes, a small smile lifting the edges of her mouth when he wriggled around the bed that was far too big for him.

 _"{Name},"_ announcing his presence quietly Erwin closed the door behind him when she turned _"Why did you run off?"_ Making the question sound so effortless and straightforward Erwin rested back on the door.

Breath caught in the back of the throat {Name}'s head shook vigorously _"I don't want to talk about it."_ Trying to sound firm, it came out weak and almost pleading.

Why did Erwin always have to push things?

Never letting them rest where they could gather dust, he'd amble by and pick them up, thrusting them back in her face, and tear open old wounds.

In the small slither of light from the lamppost outside, it lit up one half of Erwin's face.

He knew precisely why {Name} disappeared as she did. It was written in the painfully tight line of his mouth.

Erwin said nothing, a silent acceptance that {Name} was not prepared or ready to talk about it, he held out a hand, palm facing up the fingers curled back to beckon her closer. At first, refusing to move, {Name} eventually walked into Erwin's arms, wrapping her's tight around his back.

Laying his chin on her head Erwin curled a hand around the back of {Name}'s neck, the other placed in the curve of her back to keep her close.

"I never thought I'd see you pull that face at me again," voice low Erwin's chest filled with air before he spoke again "You looked so small and frightened, believing I would actually harm you."

The comment must have been a reference to when {Name} slapped Erwin the very first time and he'd followed her to the bedroom. Erwin's summary was a truthful one, at the time, {Name} genuinely believed he was going to do her harm.

It must have been a strange and upsetting moment for Erwin when she'd flinched away from him again.

It wasn't Erwin though, that frightened her, and she felt the need to explain that much to him at least _"It was the way you moved. It just, it felt like I was there..."_ she trailed off on feeling Erwin tense, his fingers biting into her neck she twisted out of his hold.

Putting distance between them Erwin was fixed in place, eyes starting off wide they contracted down until they closed _"Are you suggesting I remind you of--"_ before the question was finished, {Name} threw both hands over his mouth, his eyes opening with a snap.

 _"The movement,"_ trying to explain it, felt odd.

With Erwin's face in utter confusion, {Name} mimicked the action Erwin did that made her react as she did with one arm _"It was the movement."_ Repeating again that it was not Erwin, but the small action that frightened her, both eyes flicked back and forth over his, hoping that Erwin would understand.

 


	15. Chapter 15

It was a strange affair to have Erwin and Mike sleeping on the floor and sofa of the living room in her parent's house.

Staying up and talking through the incident earlier in the day, it was fast approaching midnight before Erwin and {Name} left her bedroom, catching the eye of her mother who made it obvious that she was disapproving of {Name} having Erwin in her room.

Her mother was strictly traditional in matters of decorum and morality. Even Levi was not permitted to sleep in {Name}'s room when they visited until he put the ring on her finger, and not the engagement one.

Be it that it was her father's decision to let Mike and Erwin stay, he passed over mentioning that there was a spare room and instead offered them a thin blanket and a pillow.

Of course {Name} kept quiet, the situation mind-boggling as it was, there was no need to add in unnecessary dramas.

Sleeping in the spot that Caleb was not occupying, her rest was not the best. Tossing and turning, waking at random points {Name} ended up clock watching for a long time before getting up.

Wrapping in her old night robe which surprisingly still fit, but was much too short {Name} crept down the staircase.

The mental image of her mother charging out her bedroom in night rollers and a nightie coming to mind when one of the steps creaked underfoot, she held her breath.

After a short wait, {Name} continued down, arms tightly folded she intended to go to the kitchen to make a tea.

Lights off {Name} bristled at the chill that swept through the room accompanied by the smell of cigarette smoke.

Finding the cause was the back door being open and Mike sitting on the garden step {Name} gave a faint smile when his head tipped back to look at her.

Still, they had not spoken properly since the incident with Mina trying to stab {Name}. Conveniently avoiding each other, the most they'd said to each other was when they were arguing over what to do with Caleb.

Taking the space on the step, {Name} kept the robe tight, though it was short she was still modestly covered.

Sharing a peaceful silence for a long time Mike handed over the cigarette like it was some form of peace offering.

 _"So you crashed your parent's car?"_ Arms spread behind he gazed up at the starlit sky, a smile on his mouth.

Biting on the cigarette {Name}'s mouth pinched. If they were going, to be honest on that subject {Name} was going to tell her version of events, Olou would only exaggerate it _"I think I was fifteen, we'd broke into our dad's alcohol cabinet."_

Starting from the beginning, {Name} scratched her head _"The car was brand new that morning too,"_ she winced, the memory of their fathers face all crumpled and balancing between upset and fury was crystal clear in her head.

 _"We'd drunk a whole bottle of whiskey, and then Olou had the bright idea of taking the car,"_ head falling against her hand she massaged her forehead _"I was fine, able to take the car down the road. Olou, on the other hand, threw up, all over my feet."_ In fact, Olou had leant over to {Name}'s side and vomited.

Laughing {Name} bit back the sound _"I swerved, mounted the curb,"_ making the motion with her hand to replicate the car she sighed _"Hit the lamppost and totalled the car."_

In their infinite wisdom Olou and, {Name} made it look as if the car was stolen. Planting the whiskey bottle and dropping the keys down a drain. At two in the morning, they'd snuck back in the house and crept back to bed.

 _"That was my first hangover."_ Remembering the awful pounding headache, {Name} grimaced _"I think it was made worse by the guilt."_

Shoulders sagging {Name} threw down the cigarette.

 _"You're close with your brother?"_ Mike asked softly.

 _"Thick as thieves."_ {Name} agreed. Between the pair of them, it was difficult to say who was worse. They encouraged each other.

Mike shifted until he was sat forward, elbows propped to the knees he scratched at his beard, it was in need of being trimmed again. Lips parting to offer in tidying it up, she stopped short.

It wasn't like it was two years ago when she'd done so as they sat in a rundown building. Their relationship was little more than a memory now, and though she shouldn't have, a part of her did miss Mike.

 _"I see where you get your temperament from."_ Stretching down a leg Mike searched in his trouser pocket, another cigarette set to his lips the lid of the lighter was flipped back _"Erwin got a good smack from her, just like the one you gave him when we were carrying the bags."_

Mike wore a grin, a brief laugh overtaking his words _"All he said was his name."_ Head tilted he looked across at her _"Whatever you told them, must have been something."_

Thinking back to the conversation {Name} knew the precise moment that would have made her mother slap Erwin _"Ah."_ Sighing heavily {Name} bit down on the tip of her index finger _"That would be due to..."_ lump forming in her throat {Name} tried to force it down.

Mentioning how Levi was cut down on their arrival, it was what made her mother swear, and loudly too _"I told her about Levi."_ Answering Mike's curiosity, {Name} peeked across when Mike nodded, a slight frown drawing over his face.

Staring across the garden, {Name} ran her hands together, chin almost buried down in her arm, rough fingers caught it. Tenderly Mike ran his thumb in the groove under {Name}'s lip _"I meant it when I said I love you."_  



	16. Chapter 16

_"I would believe you,"_ {Name} brushed away Mike's hand _"If not for the fact you 'loved' your way through half of France."_ With a poignant stare, {Name} stood up when Mike looked away.

Weak-willed at first when it came to Mike, there was not a chance {Name} would be fooled a second time.

Returning inside {Name} put the kitchen door back in the frame to keep out the approaching morning chill, before guiding herself back to the hallway, the want for tea long since gone.

Hesitating outside the living room doors {Name} cast a look up the stairs, no one was awake as of yet, and she suspected that Caleb was going to sleep in from the long journey the day before.

Levering down the handle {Name} slipped through, setting the door back quietly she stood in the darkness, waiting for her eyes to adjust.

Laying on the sofa Erwin was slouched down, legs dangling over one armrest he'd removed his boots at some point. In the barely there light Erwin looked peaceful, hair falling out of its usual parting it covered his forehead. The skin once smooth was lined intensely over his forehead, stress lines pitted the skin around his eyes and mouth also.

Kneeling beside the sofa, {Name} placed her arms on the slither of space Erwin wasn't occupying before laying her head down on them.

It had been a long time since {Name} got to see Erwin out of uniform and in regular clothes. The last time being a week before they'd all left the cottage. Wearing both sets of clothes well, Erwin always appeared far more relaxed and at ease when in casual clothing. In the uniform, it was different, like he adopted a persona just to fit the role of commanding officer of the SS.

There were two sides to Erwin, and rarely did the two ever meet in the middle.

 _"What are you doing?"_ Sleep filled and mumbled Erwin lifted his shoulders, eyes still closed he settled back down after a few seconds.

Surprised {Name} made to sit back, Erwin's hand catching the side of her face, his thumb stroked lazily down her cheek _"Couldn't sleep."_ Answering {Name} laid back down on her arms.

Erwin's mouth raised on one side _"So you thought you'd watch me sleep?"_ Eyes open a fraction one thick brow raised questioningly at {Name}.

Lips pouting {Name} placed a hand over Erwin's _"You make it sound weird."_ Turning his hand until the palm was visible she ran her finger along the scar that spread in its centre _"It is a little."_ Responding Erwin finally opened his eyes properly.

Waiting as Erwin woke properly {Name} sucked her bottom lip back between her teeth, a thought filled hum vibrating her vocal chords.

 _"Erwin?"_ She started to speak, moving out of the way when he swung his legs around, rolling his shoulders Erwin twisted side to side, the bones popping and cracking with the motion.

 _"What?"_ Massaging the back of his neck Erwin tilted his gaze to her. Erwin's eyes were warm and open, if not a little sleepy, it trapped the words in the back of her throat.

Shaking her head, {Name} waved a hand as if to say it didn't matter. It didn't really, not when all she wanted to know was why Erwin stayed with her, after finding out she'd taken Mike into her bed.

Any other man would have turned their back and walked away. There was no bitterness from Erwin, and that was the part that left her confused the most.

 _"I should get dressed."_ Excusing herself a slight fidget ensured that she was covered before {Name} got to her feet.

A snag on a wrist {Name} fell backwards, a careful manoeuvre bringing her onto the sofa she blinked in surprise when Erwin knelt over, his fingers undoing the dressing robe.

Closing a hand around Erwin's a quick shake of the head sent a cushion flying out from under it _"Not here."_ She warned it was risky and a little disrespectful of her parent's hospitality.

Erwin only smiled before he pressed down, his mouth working the sensitive area of her neck a hand slipped inside the robe, travelling the curve of her side, before finding her breast.

 _"Erwin."_ Warning again, it was a little weaker than the first, her body responding as he wanted it too she felt the smirk that covered his lips.

Legs parting to wrap around Erwin's waist, their mouths met tenderly.

It was hard to deny that the risky nature of being caught, made it all the more enticing when Erwin pushed in. Mouth parting in a soft gasp he grabbed it with his hand, only sliding it away to replace it with his lips.

 


	17. Chapter 17

When Marco called {Name} to come outside the hotel, there was an expectation of something being amiss. The thing that was 'amiss' was not what {Name} was expecting at all.

Erwin slumped on Reiner; a little further back was Mike much the same on Bertholdt. Bodies and legs very clearly not in sync with each other {Name} pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaling deeply with the action.

{Name} wasn't sure when, but between the two men, she was starting to feel like a long-suffering wife and mistress.

Watching the slow progress of the four men {Name} was in consideration to whom to see to first. Priority being Erwin, there was a moment where {Name} considered seeing to Mike first.

Either would be ideal, giving that Erwin was their commanding officer, and Mike, their captain. If one was unable to perform their duties, the other was supposed to take the helm.

As it were, the only thing they'd be leading was there way to a steaming hangover and a bitter taste of regret.

{Name} could only hope there would not be a sudden need for their unit or either man.

In time Reiner and Erwin reached the steps, the surprise coming on finding Reiner sober and Erwin the one beyond inebriated and bordering blackout drunk {Name} shot her gaze to Bertholdt and Mike.

So, it was only their superiors who'd fallen in a barrel of whatever substance had them legless.

Sidestepping to allow all four up the steps {Name} pressed back on the door, barely avoiding Reiner's angled out elbow from holding up Erwin, and Bertholdt's unsteady footing as Mike almost swung around.

Turning to face back down the steps {Name}'s eyes met Marco's concerned ones. Likewise to Marco, {Name} was not particularly liking of the situation. It was uncharacteristic of Mike to get himself in such a state, even more so, that Erwin was a little more than worse for wear.

Shrugging {Name} returned inside the building, the double doors of the common room thrown open a mixture of coherent and slurring travelled from the room.

Eyes rolling {Name} stepped into the room just as Bertholdt managed to seat Mike on the chaise by the window _"Turn him on his side."_ Waving a hand at Berthlodt, a quick nod was returned. The last thing they needed was Mike choking on his own vomit.

Beside {Name} Erwin was sat up, head practically hanging over the back of the sofa he'd positioned his cap to cover his face. Whether it was the lighting bothering him, or for the matter of shame for being in the state he was {Name} guessed it was the latter.

Arms folding {Name} waited for Bertholdt and Reiner to finish turning Mike before asking the all-important question.

 _"How much did they drink?"_ Sounding reminiscent of a scolding mother {Name}'s brow crooked when Reiner shook his head _"That's the thing, they only had two between them."_ He explained scratching the back of his head with a look of utter confusion, Bertholdt nodding behind him to backup Reiner's words.

Two drinks? That was entirely impossible given their poor states, unless?

Turning to Erwin the cap was lifted, both eyes squinting against the intrusion of light Erwin tried to raise a hand. Swatting it away {Name} forced one of Erwin's eyes open, the pupil should have dilated with the extra light, but it remained open and saucer-like. Standing straight {Name} moved to inspect Mike's eyes. Just like Erwin's, the pupil was full and far too dilated than normal.

Pulling back {Name} frowned _"They have been drugged."_ Speaking quietly a hand clipped Bertholdt's arm _"Go to my bag, you'll find a glass jar of black powder, bring it and two glasses of water."_ Ordering him away {Name} asked for Reiner to retrieve two buckets.

Waiting for the items {Name} put an arm around Mike's back, he was a dead weight, limbs flaccid it took a considerable amount of effort to get him to sit up. Once Mike was up {Name} stood, hands on each of his shoulders to keep him falling face first, and from falling down the back of the chaise.

The click of glass set down on wood {Name} looked over her shoulder to where Bertholdt was staring at the items she'd asked him to get.

 _"Pour some of the powder into each glass, until it is entirely black."_ Giving instructions {Name} motioned Reiner to put a bucket between Erwin's feet, and bring the other to Mike. Swapping places with Reiner so that she could finish up making the drinks {Name} swirled each glass to ensure it was all mixed. The contents a pitch black, her nose twitched on smelling it.

It was impossible to know what the two men were drugged with and to force them to empty their stomachs held a whole myriad of problems. However leaving it in their system without knowing what it was, or why they'd been drugged was just as risky.

Handing one glass of the charcoal mix to Bertholdt the other {Name} took to Erwin _"You may have to force him to drink it."_ Eyeing Mike's almost unconscious state a frown settled on {Name} _"Just feed it to him slowly."_

The two men nodded, working together to try and get Mike to take the liquid.

On the sofa Erwin was immobile, a gentle pat to his face doing nothing to rouse him {Name} slapped a little harder. Jolting away Erwin's eyes blinked with difficulty, a hand closing on his shoulder {Name} shook him _"Erwin?"_ Talking slowly {Name} waited for him to respond. It wasn't much, but his head lifted off the back of the sofa a fraction, allowing her hand to slide under and guide his head up.

With care {Name} eventually managed to get Erwin to sit forward, his hands gripping at his knees {Name} could tell he was trying to fight through the haziness of the drug in his system. It was strange to witness Erwin so helpless, and forced to be heavily reliant on another to make even the simplest of movements.

Picking up Erwin's hand {Name} held it to the glass, using her fingers to close his around it _"You need to drink this."_ Keeping her speech slow, and almost patronising {Name} followed the sway of Erwin's body. If not for Reiner and Bertholdt's testimony {Name} would have left the two alone to sleep it off as it was not immediately obvious they were drugged, and not drunk.

A thought which could have potentially been a fatal error.

Putting a hand under the glass when Erwin guided it to his mouth he paused when Mike started to gag. Though it was short lived before the slap of liquid hitting the bucket came, and a few not so subtle heaves from the two helping Mike.

 _"It's not going to be fun, but you need to drink this."_ Catching sight of Erwin's reluctance {Name} gave the glass a push _"Just take it down in one."_ Giving the best advice possible {Name} was relieved when Erwin did as she said.

Taking the glass {Name} moved aside, one of Erwin's arms pressed on his thigh, the other angled out as he held the knee. Lips sealed tight a few seconds passed until Erwin's body convulsed, head thrown down as the drink took effect {Name} looked away, a hand rubbing at the middle of his back she gave a quick glance to find Mike much the same. Except the bucket was squeezed between his knees, his head virtually buried in it.

Back turned and a hand covering the mouth Reiner gagged into it, Bertholdt was much the same except he was sat on the end of the chaise, a single arm out and patting Mike's arm in some form of comforting.

It was strange, Erwin and Mike were absent for most the evening to attend a meeting. Which left {Name} wondering if they were specifically targeted, or was the spiking of the drinks meant for all in attendance of the meeting? Curious as to the purpose of rendering the men incapable of even opening their eyes {Name} glanced down when Erwin's hand flailed, knocking against her thigh.

Focusing on Erwin, it appeared that he'd finished bringing up the contents of his stomach. Deep heaving breaths cut up by spitting Erwin eventually slumped back on the sofa, his skin pale and clammy an arm was thrown to cover his eyes.

Kneeling on the couch {Name} gave a squeeze to the arm at Erwin's side, he looked no better than when he returned. In fact, he looked worse.

At the very least Erwin appeared to be somewhat more coherent than a few short minutes before. Mike too was finished throwing up; his breathing laboured he'd slumped against the side of the chaise. Moving off the sofa {Name} asked for Reiner to get blankets and Bertholdt to get fresh glasses of water and a cloth.

Letting the two men take small sips of water {Name} gave them both a quick clean up with the cloth before getting them to lay down. Making them both as comfortable as possible {Name} made them both sleep on their sides, not wanting to risk either bringing anything else up in their sleep, it was the best option.

Assuring Reiner and Bertholdt that she would be fine on her own, she thanked them for their help before letting them go to bed. Both of them looking considerably tired from their night's events {Name} settled on the floor, back resting on the sofa that Erwin was sound asleep on a sigh heaved her shoulders.

It was going to be a long night for {Name} as she would have to monitor both of them.

 


	18. Chapter 18

It came suddenly.

A hot pocket of pain exploding across the left breast {Name} twisted away from the sofa, the movement restricted by the arm around the shoulder a hand closed over {Name}'s mouth as she screamed out.

It was by far more painful when the knife was withdrawn.

Falling forward when the arm released {Name} cupped the torn breast with one hand, the elbow of the same arm keeping her from being flat on the floor {Name}'s eyes filled with water as she curled in on herself.

Coming from all angles was quiet noises, footsteps, bangs and thuds erupting sporadically throughout the hotel. In time the sounds got louder, but by comparison to the blood thundering in {Name}'s ears, it was like background noise.

Someone lingered over {Name}, legs planted either side of her body her breaths came in short and sharp pants, fingers tight over the opening in her breast a scream ripped from her when a boot pressed down hard on the wound.

Forced to curl up by the pain racking through her body {Name} managed to kick out a leg at the person's knee when he started to twist his boot over her breast.

Staggering the man it gave {Name} a small amount of time to crawl to her knees, a hand out on the table for support she near ran to get out of the way of the hand that made a grab for her.

_"Stay where you are."_

The voice was firm and authoritative, and one that {Name} did not recognise. Doing as it said, {Name} remained still, the cocking of the gun pressed into {Name}'s temple making her body stiff her chest heaved.

Vision blurred it took some time until {Name} adjusted to the darkness. The silhouette of the man holding the gun starting to take form, she caught a blur of a shadow in her right eye.

Unable to move and see what was happening {Name} could tell that both Mike and Erwin were awake and in no better a situation than she was.

_"On your knees."_

From where {Name} guessed Mike was another order was growled into the darkness. The speaker apparently striking Mike a loud whack came, accompanied by a barely concealed groan and a thud.

Heart pounding fiercely {Name} felt short of breath, and a little faint. Both were minor concerns when the barrel of the gun pinched at her temple when it was pushed harder to it.

_"Ah, so we finally meet Commander."_

A voice gravelled from behind, a few faint sniggers erupting around the room. Swallowing {Name} tried to move away from the pressure on her skull, a fraction of distance made, the relief was quickly overshadowed by another pain.

A swift kick delivered to the back of the legs they collapsed under her, forcing her down onto all fours it was followed by a boot to the gut.

Biting down {Name} kept the shout from coming out, fingers balled tightly she inhaled heavily through her nose.

 _"I heard that you were back from France, and thought I'd finally make your acquaintance."_ The gravelly voiced man spoke calmly, if not amused _"You probably have no idea who I am, but I know exactly who you are,"_ the man paused in his little speech, he was moving around the room _"I know who all of you are."_

A pair of boots stopped in front of {Name}. Back curling to put distance between the man and {Name} panic overtook the adrenaline, eyes flitting nervously they eventually found Mike's. Cold and hard Mike met {Name}'s gaze, in the low light she could just make out that he was holding his side.

Mind racing over the possibilities as to why they were being held like captives {Name} briefly entered the idea that it was related to Kurt. An idea quickly washed away when the man started talking again, the boots moving away it didn't let {Name} to relax.

 _"You just couldn't keep your nose out of our business,"_ the man lamented his words tinged with regret and a touch of bitterness _"Things were going so well until you had the Gestapo turn their eyes on us."_

Eyes creeping a fraction wider {Name} swallowed down the rising bile. Whatever the reason was behind this man's arrival it was not related to {Name}'s dealings with the Gestapo, or at the very least she hoped that it wasn't.

 _"Your loyalty to the Fuhrer and the Reich would be commendable, if not a total lost cause."_ The man was behind {Name} again, at a guess she would place Erwin somewhere behind her also.

 _"It was fortunate that we were familiar with the layout of the prison, it worked to our advantage. There were more of us, but they didn't make it."_ The man announced, his voice becoming quieter at the end.

In truth {Name} was a little lost. However {Name} understood enough that something Erwin done, placed the men in the room in the hands of the Gestapo.

 _"Do you have any idea of the methods of torture they use, to get a person to speak?"_ The man's voice became cold and abrasive, anger finally taking hold on it.

 _"I am well informed of them,"_ Erwin responded bluntly, showing no sign in his speech that a short few hours ago he was incapacitated.

Fingers becoming numb by how tightly they were curled {Name} mentally berated Erwin. Being bold and unshaken was admirable, but stupid. None of them was in any position to be cocky and pride filled, they were at a significant disadvantage.

Erwin's answer got the response {Name} expected. Flinching {Name} knew the hit was a hard one, enough to make Erwin drop and appear in the space between {Name} and the man who'd held the gun to her head.

Eyes leaving Mike's they fell on Erwin who, like her, was on all fours. Mouth open a thick stream of blood poured out of Erwin's mouth, a single hand brought to wipe at it, it stopped.

Looking up, {Name} felt her blood run cold, pointed squarely at the back of Erwin's head was a pistol, already cocked and merely waiting for the trigger to be pulled.

_"You deserve this you son of a bitch."_

A hand falling over {Name}'s it brought her to meet with Erwin's eyes. They were calm, far too calm given their situation, his hand holding tight to {Name}'s she relaxed the fingers when Erwin's fingers split.

Sliding them together Erwin gave a quick squeeze his mouth moving soundlessly {Name}'s heart skipped a beat.

 _"Erwin."_ Barely whispering {Name} held tighter to his hand when it spasmed suddenly, before going slack.

The echo of the gun ringing in {Name}'s ears as hot liquid sprayed across her cheek, Erwin's body dropped, leaving {Name} frozen in place.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Staring off at a distant point {Name} knew the person seated opposite was still talking, but her mind had long since exited the conversation and muted the man's voice out.

A hand firmly pinned under the left arm {Name}'s palm was made sticky by the congealing blood, the side of the breast burning and pulsing the offered help to see to it was refused.

The man was none the wiser to {Name}'s actual gender that much made apparent when he commented that {Name} was a 'lucky bastard.'

When the comment was passed, {Name} forcibly bit back a snarky response. It was truthful though, if not for the matter that the knife entered {Name}'s breast, it would have slid between her ribs and punctured a lung or her heart, possibly both.

At a guess, {Name} believed that was the person's intention, but the slope of her flattened chest misguided the man's entry point.

A rapid succession of knocks to the table brought {Name} to blink, eyes dry from the continued staring it took a while for the man sat across the table to come into focus.

 _"You weren't listening."_ Shadis cut through her thoughts, mouth pinching {Name} didn't bother to deny it _"What did you say?"_ Asking for a repeat Shadis gave a long agonised sigh, head cocking to the side his arms folded tight across his chest _"Kitts and his merry band of idiots are the men who roughed your lot up."_ Abbreviating the explanation Keith's bald head shone under the kitchen lights.

Kitts. The name rang a bell in {Name}'s memory. Turning full attention on Keith, a frown settled on realising _"I guess that makes one less on the list then, right?"_

At the question, Keith looked confused between a want to smile, and a scowl _"Hmph, not just a pretty face after all."_ Sarcasm dripping in his reply Shadis gave a small indication of his head that {Name} was correct in the assumption.

Kitts was just one of many on the list of names {Name} burnt on the train. All of them committed to memory, {Name} knew that Kitts was a low priority.

 _"Well, I need to be going."_ Grumbling Keith kicked back the chair, the wood scraping on the tiles it made {Name}'s eyes scrunch, and her head burrowed down into a shoulder _"And for goodness sake, paint a smile on your face, you're still alive."_ Chastising {Name}'s sour demeanour Keith tossed in a small string of cursing as he departed the kitchen, the door swinging back and forth she watched and waited until it became still.

Indeed {Name} was still alive and kicking, but not everyone was. Fingers scraping back across the table, the tips clung to the edge eyes closed as the events of an hour ago replayed in slow motion in her mind.

His eyes were open and staring. Vacant of life they'd glazed and become glassy, face spattered in red.

A soft tap on the shoulder had {Name}'s eyes opening, the images replaying blurring away as the person taking up the seat beside her stole {Name}'s attention.

Side by side they remained in silence for a long time, their hands wrapping together each of them held tight like they needed to be assured they were both still there.

In time he moved, adjusting in the seat their hands fell away from each other. Arms folding on the table Mike's back hunched as he placed his chin on his forearm, a side glance bringing {Name} back into his sight "Are you ok?"

Removing the hand covering the opening in her chest {Name} inspected it. Again, like many times before there was no sign of skin, it was painted in her blood _"I don't know."_ Voice wobbling {Name} went back to staring at nothing in particular. Keeping both eyes wide, it held back the tears, allowed her to hide them.

The chair Mike occupied creaked, an arm spreading across the table it came away, the hand on the back of her head Mike pulled her against his chest.

Burying deep into the crook of Mike's neck a hand closed in his shirt when he started to whisper small words of comfort to her.

Knowing that Mike meant well, all it did was chip away at {Name}. Trying to remain composed {Name} lost it with one short sentence from Mike.

_"At least you were with him, at the end."_

The words struck {Name} hard and sharp, causing actual physical pain in her chest. With it {Name} didn't fight back the tears, letting them rush forward her head fell away from Mike's shoulder.

There was no comfort in being the one beside him when he'd died. It made it that much more painful, knowing that with all the skill and knowledge that {Name} had, it accounted for nothing.

Lying beside him, holding his hand {Name} had to watch his life ebb. It felt like it took forever, but could have been no more than a few seconds at best.

 


	20. Chapter 20

It would be easy to assume that they all should have been accustomed to death. To be near oblivious to another person falling down, and never getting back up. Accepting of the absence of their presence and voice.

Death had not shook {Name} like this one since Levi's. Emotionally invested in the man, caring for him and his well being. Enjoying his company and their small conversations it left {Name} with a deep ache in her chest.

They all wore the same sombre expressions, none of them talking, and when one of them did say something, it was meagre and pointless, but broke up the silence temporarily.

Food untouched {Name} poked at it with her fork, appetite was long since gone she eventually set the fork down when a yawn broke apart her mouth.

Having been unable to sleep as every time, she settled his face entered her mind she'd spent most of the night laying in the dark. A single shot changed everything. Atmosphere dark and heavy with his departure from the world, it left everyone reeling.

 _"You need to eat something."_ Marco advised softly, his plate barely touched a reassuring smile tried to coax {Name} _"I don't have an appetite."_ Pushing away the plate {Name} sat straight before rising from the table.

Passing behind those still sat at the table {Name} noted the empty seat. Like some manner of silent respect, no one sat in it, though there'd been no formal seating arrangements it was accepted that the chair was his chair.

Gut-wrenching {Name} looked away when tears threatened to spill, the back of a hand pressed to her mouth she took in a steady breath.

On the steps Mike sat with his back to the bannister, one leg stretched to the other side his head was down. Flicking up the lid of the lighter, he sparked it, before slapping the cap closed.

Repeating the action over and over Mike only glanced up when {Name} sat on the step below his _"You're going to dull the flint."_ Noticing the lacklustre sparking, {Name} slid her hands together before placing them between her thighs.

 _"It's not mine."_ Mike responded, _"It's his."_

Sighing {Name} put a hand out, using it to cover the lighter and keep Mike from continuing playing with it _"All the more reason not to waste it."_

After a few seconds, Mike smiled, pocketing it _"You're right."_ Agreeing he put his head back against the bannister _"You look tired."_ A single finger went back and forth pointing out the bags under {Name}'s eyes. Poking at the area, it was still puffy from the crying she'd done the best part of the night _"I didn't sleep."_

After stitching up the stab wound on her breast, {Name} spent the rest of the night until the sun peeked through the window in bed. Going between trying to sleep, and when that failed, crying into the pillow. Tired was an understatement for how {Name} felt, she was exhausted on all fronts, but she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes.

Not when his face would appear, gripped in its death mask and unmoving.

Shaking out the thought {Name} shivered from the cold chill that ran up her spine. Clambering to her feet {Name} stepped over Mike's legs, stopping only when he caught her hand. Eyes meeting Mike offered a sympathetic smile _"It will be ok."_ Again trying to assure {Name} it didn't strike quite as hard as it had the night before _"I know."_ Mumbling {Name} shook off his hand, moving up the staircase.

On the landing, {Name} moved sluggishly towards the bedroom. The bed had felt far too large the night before; she'd occupied the middle, hugging Erwin's pillow much like she'd done with Levi's all those years ago.

Opening the door reluctantly {Name} kicked off her boots toes wiggling for a moment before she moved to undo her belt.

A bath was very much on the cards, especially when she'd sourced dried blood in her hair. Using a foot to push open the door {Name} eased out of the shirt, her side aching considerably it cried out in relief when the extra bandaging was removed.

Sitting on the edge {Name} kept a towel around her as the water filled the tub, her fingers testing the temperature she let the towel fall away before stepping in.

Sinking low {Name} tipped her head under the water, staying under for a little longer than necessary a small gasp for air broke out her mouth when she resurfaced.

Using both hands to sweep back her hair {Name} settled comfortably, eyes closing both arms hugged her midriff.

The water was soothing on her aching body like it was washing away the tenseness in her muscles and allowing her to relax, even if it was only short lived.

Sitting up when the bathroom door creaked open {Name} hugged her knees to her chest before craning to find out who'd entered.

Face caught in the stretched out palm {Name} jumped slightly in surprise, before leaning into the hand. It was warm and comforting, as was the kiss placed on her forehead.

 _"Your back?"_ Whispering the question {Name} blinked away the small rivers of water that blurred her eyesight.

The hand falling away {Name}'s head bowed when he didn't answer but crouched beside the bath; arms draped over his fingers created ripples in the water "For a short time." A click of the tongue ended the sentence, the dark hair that fell across his face sticking to his forehead.

With a frown, {Name} stared at Levi in confusion _"Why are you here?"_ Hooking her fingers with his, there was a second for the surprise on finding that they were cold.

Levi's face fell flat a small roll of his eyes made _"You needed to sleep."_ Answering simply Levi leant over the edge of the bath, a hand catching the back of {Name}'s neck he brought her closer, a quick but loving kiss planted on her mouth _"But it's probably best if you wake up now."_

Like it was some cue {Name}'s body jerked suddenly, hands gripping tight to the edges of the bath, deep panting breaths made the stitches on her side stretch painfully.

In a confused panic, {Name} covered her face with both hands, the water balancing between warm and cold it made her shiver.

Levering out the plug {Name} partly emptied the bath before rerunning the hot water; she didn't want to get out, not yet at least.

A quick glance to the window told {Name} that she'd been asleep for some time. The sun high in the sky it looked to be the afternoon.

A little stiff from the dream {Name} rolled her shoulders before leaning back, far more relaxed the second time around when a hand stroked down her cheek _"How is your shoulder?"_

Tipping her gaze to the man beside the bath {Name} blinked calmly at him when he touched the area in question.

 _"Sore."_ Being truthful of his discomfort Erwin winced when trying to move his arm.


	21. Chapter 21

Pandemonium.

The night before was utter pandemonium.

All indicators pointed to Erwin meeting his demise. A gunshot and he'd collapsed, reinforced by the bloody hot spray that painted one side of {Name}'s face. Confusion took a painful hold on {Name}'s already spinning mind when another man appeared laying on Erwin's back.

Finally starting to understand what was happening it was already too late. Missing the third firing due to the shrill ringing in both ears {Name} watched Erwin struggle out from under the man who'd fallen on top of him.

So many bodies filled the room, and there were no orders just shot after shot taken overhead. Ears feeling sensitive {Name} covered them and kept low to the floor as one body after another crashed down around them.

Only when the panicked and crying shout came did it make {Name} move. Forgetting Erwin who was on his back, chest heaving and keeping a firm hold on his shoulder, {Name} crawled over to the two men at the end of the room.

Straight through the neck, Reiner took the shot from the man who'd originally put the gun to {Name}'s head.

From behind Bertholdt desperately tried to stop the bleeding. Fingers shaking the blood pumped and poured, showing no signs of slowing. Wide-eyed Reiner's hand caught {Name}'s shirt, and with surprising strength, he dragged her down.

Laying side by side Reiner's and {Name}'s hands closed together tightly, colour fading from his face {Name} could tell he wanted to say something.

Mouth too full and choking on the hot liquid that rushed up his throat as it spilt out the opening in his neck {Name} brought a hand over to stroke over the short hair, a reassuring smile wobbling over her mouth.

 _"It's ok Reiner."_ Trying to ease his worry {Name} squeezed firm to the hand that was in hers. Energy fading Reiner's fingers grew slack, threatening to slide out her hand, she kept it firm to her chest _"You can go now."_

Like the words were all that Reiner needed to hear, a rasping wet breath came as his mouth fell slack. Eyes open and staring the faint smile on his lips was painful to see.

Hurt becoming tenfold when Bertholdt made a most inhuman screaming cry {Name}'s eyes found the gentle giant as he curled over Reiner.

That was possibly the hardest thing to witness, a fully grown man become a weeping and lost child in a matter of seconds.

Unsure how to comfort Bertholdt in his agony {Name} wasn't prepared when he screamed at her, demanding to know why she'd done nothing.

Trying to calm Bertholdt both hands clapped on his face, waterlogged eyes meeting all {Name} done for the first few seconds was shaken her head _"I couldn't."_ Pleading and apologetic {Name} tried to explain that there was nothing she could have done _"I'm sorry Berthl."_

In one breathless rush, Bertholdt expelled his anger at her. Every word sniping and equivalent to taking a knife to her heart {Name} took it all in silence.

{Name} couldn't even begin to comprehend Bertholdt's suffering, and so she didn't react or stop him.

They'd been together from day one. Growing up side by side, one was never without the other. If {Name} were to put it in a way for her mind to understand, Bertholdt was the lungs and Reiner the air they breathed.

Vital to each other's existence, {Name} guessed it was like Bertholdt lost one-half of his self.

Eventually, Bertholdt lost steam, the angry cypher dying in its velocity to a wail much like a child's, {Name} felt as though her heart shattered when he threw himself at her. The usually robust and close to suffocating hold Bertholdt would put her in was feeble and tired.

Reiner took the shot that saved Erwin.

Kitts still managed to wound Erwin, but his aim dislodged it struck through Erwin's shoulder. It was Kitts falling on him that sent Erwin sprawling to the floor.

In retaliation, the man {Name} knew to be Djel put a shot through Reiner's neck, before being put down by the timely, but the too late arrival of Keith and the Gestapo.

Forgetting to knock {Name} poked around the bedroom door. Just like Bertholdt was the night before he was on the edge of the bed, eyes wide and glassy, staring at nothing.

Slipping into the room {Name} crawled carefully onto the bed, laying behind Bertholdt she put a hand to his hair, the fingers stroking carefully _"It's going to be ok, Berthl."_ Hushing him when he buried his head deep in the pillows {Name} curled her body almost protectively over the man.

Since the day they arrived, Bertholdt and Reiner became like a small comforting duo to {Name}. As time passed and they grew comfortable, they'd stuck together like a trio. Talking, laughing and pulling little pranks on the others.

When they became separated from the others, Reiner and Bertholdt became like overprotective brothers to {Name}, keeping her safe and always far more concerned about her well-being than with theirs.

Without knowing or even realising {Name} came to love them like they were her younger -at times bratty- siblings.

Bertholdt reached out a hand searching blindly until {Name} put hers out to meet with it. Closing tightly Bertholdt tugged at their joint hands, it made {Name} move closer to him.

Practically hugging the hand and arm of {Name}'s that was in his hold Bertholdt sighed shakily _"At least you're still here."_ Mumbling quietly Bertholdt squeezed tight on her hand.

The words made {Name}'s throat swell _"I will always be here for you Berthl."_ Guiltily the words left her.

It was a painful thing to face and admit, but Reiner's death meant another name was scratched off the list.

Prepared and willing to tick each name off {Name} knew that when the orders came, Bertholdt would become just another name and face.


	22. Chapter 22

_"I don't know about this."_

Twisting left, and a right to inspect the dinner suit {Name} let her arms fall when Hange walked in a circle, chin gripped in finger and thumb she stopped behind {Name} _"You look handsome."_ Hands clapping on each shoulder {Name} stumbled a little.

Tugging down the waistcoat {Name}'s mouth fell on one side, this was going to be the riskiest job to date.

Keith explained that this was a task best undertaken with Zoe. However with the ploy that Hange was {Name}'s wife; the charade needed to be upheld for a short time they would be in attendance of the ball.

Facing the window, {Name} followed the small rain rivers that transcended the foggy glass. Tongue flicking nervously across the lips {Name} tried to prepare herself mentally, and emotionally.

Tonight, their ever-shrinking group would lose one more member. With the intelligence, officers code cracked they'd been able to confirm who it was that was passing information on the German armies planned operations and movements to the allied forces.

Still unsure who was sourcing the person the information it was up to Hange to wheedle out the individual. When it was done, {Name} was tasked with silencing their inside man, permanently.

Turning over the left-hand, {Name} focused on the single gold band on the ring finger. Keith advised that {Name} should wear Levi's wedding ring to put weight behind their facade. It was a little too big, and so required tape to be wound around to stop it falling off.

 _"You ready?"_ Hange asked softly.

Eyes snapping to the woman's reflection in the mirror {Name} forced down the nervous lump in her throat. A single nod to say that she was, a deep breath steadied her nerves.

Hair down Hange was surprisingly elegant when in a dress. Absent the glasses Zoe looked entirely different, more feminine than when in her Gestapo uniform.

Making way to the door {Name} fell into her role, opening it a hand swept across her midriff to usher Hange along _"After you, my dear."_ Sickly smooth {Name} failed to smile when Hange giggled and floated out the door.

Tonight was going to be difficult on multiple levels. Though {Name} managed to give Erwin a little forewarning that she would be there with Hange, she never specified in what capacity.

There, of course, was going to be the question of Hange. Many knew her as Shadis's wife, a small oversight they'd seen too. Apparently, Shadis and Hange were having an affair, and as neither wore a wedding ring, they only called each other man and wife.

Thankfully few knew them when they'd actually gotten married as both were very young. It just meant that {Name} was going to have to put up with the pitying and knowing stares for most the night. By far, it was the least of {Name}'s concerns.

Arms wrapped around each other they descended the staircase, Hange looking far too happy at being dressed up {Name} felt more than a little self-conscious. Passing off as a man in uniform was a little easier than a man in a dress suit.

 _"There is Claus,"_ leaning close Zoe whispered with a small jut of her head to indicate the person in question _"Bertholdt's younger brother."_ Confirming the relation {Name}'s mouth drew tight.

Clause Schenk was believed and suspected of plotting an assassination attempt on Adolf Hitler. Alongside this, Bertholdt was under strong suspicion of being the man who was selling the information to the allied forces. That part was still only speculation, and {Name} wasn't so sure of it.

Scanning the faces in the ballroom, {Name} caught sight of a few who were throwing stares at Hange and whispering. The rumour mill was going to be in for a treat that evening, especially as Keith was over in the corner to oversee the night.

Approaching the outskirts of the dance floor {Name} gave a sharp eye to Hange _"Don't even think about it."_ Warning her not to get carried away with the little game of make-believe {Name} bit back a smile when Hange looked disappointed _"Shadis would dance with me."_ She whined in reply to which {Name} shook her head.

 _"Then ask him to spin you around the floor, I'm not doing it."_ Blunt and to the point {Name} gave a firm nod, and an inward cringe when Zoe swooned against her side _"You're such a romantic."_ She must have mustered all her sarcasm for that comment, but it got a sharp eye from {Name} _"Piss off, go do your thing."_ Shaking Hange off her arm {Name} turned to do her own job.

Watching after Hange, there were a second or two delays before {Name} set to move further into the gathered bodies dressed to the nines. Many of the men who held high positions were in military dress.

They wore their medals and pins pridefully, some even having dress swords for the occasion, it was these items that {Name} was to pay close attention too.

A single black thread was tied to the point of the sheath, that was to be the indicator of the man who was receiving the information.

It forced {Name} to keep flicking eyes downward each time she passed a man wearing one.

Moving around the room to keep {Name} in his view it was Keith's job to receive the signal from {Name} to say she'd found their man. A simple action of sliding the two centre fingers between the buttons of her suit jacket.

Hange was tasked with identifying the source in {Name}'s group. It was decided not to use {Name} to seek the person out for concern that they may react or become suspicious of her hovering around.

When both of them knew who they were looking for, it would be {Name}'s job, to eliminate them.

Flicking open the pocket watch {Name} grimaced. There was an hour to find their man. It was ample time, but it was still nerve-wracking all the same.

Effortlessly {Name} moved around the room, stopping only when a panic but a relieved jolt of her heart stopped her dead.

Finding their man was accomplished, a slow turn to seek out Keith the fingers slid in her jacket as she found him leaning against a pillar on her far right as she approached their target.

Like a blur Keith vanished from the post, disappearing into the crowd.

It was some inconvenience to find their man was locked in conversation with Erwin. Getting close to the two men {Name} met with Erwin's bemused eye, but did little more than offering a polite nod.

There was little more that {Name} could do when Hange appeared in her peripheral, an eager smile on her mouth.

With a worrisome smile of her own, {Name} moved towards the excitable woman carefully, Zoe's hands coming out in a flash to grip the lapels of the dinner jacket, dragging {Name} in for- alarmingly- a kiss.

A smacker planted on {Name} there was a wave of confusion and a few giggles and gasps from the surrounding onlookers. Holding Hange by the waist, {Name} remained in the seemingly intimate display for a little longer as Hange delivered an update, whispered and mumbled against her lips in the guise of a kiss.

Hange in the short time it took {Name} to find her man, had confirmed the person that {Name} would take care of.

The news was a shock. The name having not been on the list {Name} gave a questioning eye to Hange _"Are you sure?"_ Finally separating from the kiss {Name} cocked her head at Hange, a thumb scratching at her temple _"I was a little surprised too, but I'm certain."_ Answering with a coy smile, and a finger looping around the tie at {Name}'s neck Hange continued to play the charade.

Their sudden absence was going to be explained away with ease, especially with the too lusty eye that Hange was putting on {Name}.

Uncomfortable would be an understatement for how {Name} felt at that moment, but still, she gave a smirk, a hand around Hange's waist and they were moving.

 


	23. Chapter 23

On Keith's advice not to make eye contact or look at his face properly {Name} unloaded the gun into the two men.

Escaping across the hall to the room adjacent where Hange was waiting, {Name} changed attire. Hair and face pre-prepared before she went across the corridor, she slipped into the dress with ease.

Throwing the suit into the fireplace, {Name} waited for Hange to strap the gun back up on the underside of the desk. They were in an office of sorts, though it didn't appear to be of much use.

Two tumblers of whisky poured {Name} inhaled shakily on the cigarette Hange offered _"Don't fall apart now."_ Sharply Hange tapped a finger under {Name}'s quivering chin.

As expected the gunshots were heard. On the stairs footsteps pounded, the posted sentries finally doing their job the whisky was taken down in one.

Throwing down the cigarette {Name} huddled to Hange's side when the door cracked open, faces painted in innocence they pointed their fingers to the door across the way.

Carefully the guards approached the door, two more focused on Hange and {Name} they stepped back from the door when they were told to move away.

 _"What are you doing in here?"_ Eyes narrowed, and suspicious the man looked to be a Major.

Mouth dry {Name} looked to Hange for assistance, what came as a cover for their presence in the office was not what {Name} hoped to hear at all.

 _"We're meant to be meeting with Keith Shadis,"_ announcing in a purr and a provocative sway of the hips Hange's brow curved _"If you catch my drift."_ With a confident pout, Zoe placed a hand to hip, her body taking on a pose.

Smiling when the Major looked over at {Name} a more shy demeanour overtook her. It excused the furious heat blazing across {Name}'s face at least.

The Major made a sound of disgust _"Get out of here."_ Holding the door for them {Name} took Hange by the wrist, ushering her out with an apology before Zoe could land them further in hot water.

Distracting the man with the wild suggestion, he'd not paid too close attention to the smouldering fabrics in the fireplace.

Once vacant, the corridor now held many bodies. The room in which {Name} left the bodies the focal point of attention; few paid much attention to Hange and {Name}; allowing them to reach the top of the staircase unhindered and rendezvous with the two men waiting for them.

Keith was to escort Hange, and Wolfgang -Shadis's second in command- was to act as {Name}'s. Tall, dark and indeed handsome Wolfgang was a conniving trickster of a man, and he didn't hide it.

The smile he turned on {Name} when she curled an arm around his, was nothing short of wily _"Long time no see,"_ he greeted _"I see you can pass as a lady once in a while."_ Laughing to himself when {Name} scowled Wolfgang leant in close to whisper in her ear.

 _"Your guard dogs are practically baring their teeth at me."_ Faintly amused the stormy grey eyes he possessed flicked down the staircase to the two men at the bottom.

Half confused, half-indecipherable Erwin and Mike stared up at {Name}, their eyes going between {Name} and the man beside her.

Slightly further up Hange was making conversation quickly with Shadis, who looked positively livid when she explained the excuse used that let them off the potential hook they were about to be hung up on.

 _"Don't say anything weird."_ Partially warning, but mainly pleading {Name} tilted her gaze to meet Wolfgang's when he gave a one-sided shrug.

 _"Oh I can't promise anything,"_ he started a finger tapping on his strong chin _"Though I have to say, it's good to see you on your feet, and not your back for once."_

Knowing precisely what Wolfgang was on about, {Name} hid her face behind a hand when it flushed. It sounded far worse than the few incidents Wolfgang was speaking of when it came from his mouth.

The additional wink added in for good measure {Name} wanted the ground to swallow her whole on noticing he'd announced it as they hit the bottom of the steps.

Though Wolfgang's teasing was an excellent remedy to the deep pitted guilt and remorse that was still coiling in her stomach. As Wolfgang had a presence that one could not ignore, and it was often best not to for fear of falling foul of one of his poor humoured whims.

 _"I believe I'm supposed to be returning this delightful minx to you, hm?"_ Meeting directly with Erwin's gaze Wolfgang unhooked their arms before setting a hand on the small of {Name}'s back and pushing her forward.

 _"Don't worry, she's long since been put through her paces by me."_ He chuckled with a half smirk, a single finger crooked he tapped it off the end of {Name}'s nose, much like he would when she'd done a good job in their training _"Now, be a good girl."_

With a two finger wave, Wolfgang shoved a hand in the pocket of his trousers before turning smartly on his heel and walking away, joining with Hange and Shadis to resume attendance of the ball.

Making ready to refute the lurid sounding claims Wolfgang made about their relationship, {Name} stopped dead when meeting Erwin's face.

The look on Erwin's face sent the guilty knotted snakes scattering across her stomach to be replaced by an odd hollowness.

All at once it felt like the world around {Name} became a blank canvas. The only splash of life and colour was the man watching her in a conflicted mess of surprise, shock and anguish.

Breath restricted to a short sharp inhale {Name} could only stare back.

Canvas shattering as everything spun in a confused circle {Name} put a handout; a few short seconds spent grasping at air until Erwin took the hand, another coming across her back.

 _"I guess you're not going to tell me what that was about,"_ Erwin spoke carefully, Wolfgang's snide remarks having rattled his usually unshakeable self.

Finally meeting Erwin's eyes {Name} managed a smile.

 _"It is nothing like how he made it sound,"_ she answered confidently, thankful to Wolfgang for the distraction from what was unfolding upstairs.

It would not be long until it was brought to Erwin's attention that one of his men, was lying dead on the floor of a small office. All evidence of the intel exchange left scattered around his body.

 


	24. Chapter 24

Presence requested in the small drawing room, they filled the seats. Except for one. Eyes moving around the room the men fidgeted as they waited to be told why they'd been dragged in.

Behind the chair Erwin was seated in {Name} folded her arms on the backrest, a finger outstretched it brushed lightly over the slither of skin exposed between his collar and hair. In a dress and looking like the woman she was it let Erwin and herself enjoy the evening.

Up until the moment, a member of the Gestapo and internal intelligence asked for their attendance at a small meeting.

Examining the faces of the other men in the room {Name} knew that they were nervous, though only one kept his calm exterior in place.

Leaning over to speak with Erwin the words fell away when the door opened and in swung Wolfgang.

 _"Ah, gentleman,"_ hands clapping together he smiled _"And lady."_ Nodding towards {Name} the hands were soon set in the pockets of his trousers.

 _"Now you're probably wondering why I dragged you all here?"_   Wolfgang surveyed the room with a keen eye, it was sharp and intrusive _"It's because I have good reason to believe you're all a bunch of turncoats."_ The playfulness in his voice disappeared in an instant.

The room felt cold all of a sudden, all of them bristling at the accusation.

 _"On what grounds are you making this claim?"_ Erwin questioned, tone flat it was impossible to see his expression from her angle.

 _"What grounds?"_ Wolfgang mused, rocking on his boots _"Try your man lying with a bullet in his chest upstairs, caught in the middle of selling our army's movements and positions to the allies."_ With a sinister smirk, Wolfgang inclined his head to Erwin.

Moving around the room Wolfgang paused beside Erwin _"For an incredibly sharp man, you're rather dull around the edges."_ Whispering close to Erwin's ear, a small laugh accompanied it.

Continuing to circle the room Wolfgang came to an abrupt halt beside Armin, squeezing the little man's shoulder tight _"You look incredibly nervous young man."_ He cooed, a single finger tickling under Armin's chin Wolfgang snickered when Armin pulled away.

 _"You must be here for a reason other than to accuse us all of being traitors to the Reich,"_ Erwin announced suddenly, bringing Wolfgang's cajoling and taunting -which was making those who needed to be nervous, very nervous- to an end.

With a face like he wasn't sure what Erwin meant Wolfgang snapped his fingers suddenly _"Ah yes, yes. Now I remember."_ Gripping his chin and appearing thoughtful Wolfgang's head came up suddenly _"You're all, under arrest."_

Like the words were a cue, the door burst open, and the room was filled with men in the Gestapo uniform.

Bewildered {Name} sought out Wolfgang, this was not meant to be part of the plan, and his sudden wink and a finger placed to his lips were by no means reassurance.

A pair of hands pinching painfully at her forearms {Name} seized up, did they intend to double cross her?

Searching around the room {Name} found that the others were also in the grip of the Gestapo, two of the men being booted in their stomach they bowed forward.

Finding Erwin their eyes locked briefly, cold and narrow {Name} could only return one of utter confusion. For once {Name} was genuinely not sure what was happening.

One by one they were dragged out of the room, and through the corridor.

 _"Be careful with the lady,"_ Wolfgang called from the rear of the arresting group _"She's a delicate flower."_ Oozing with sarcasm Wolfgang followed it up with a dark, but attractive laugh.

There was no doubt something was dealt in the cards, but {Name} was not given her hand. A fact that did not sit well with her.

Head down {Name} tried to rack her thoughts, all of which were interrupted when a sudden change in course and a rough push sent her spinning into a room.

Tripping on the dress {Name} nearly fell down, until a pair of hands reached out and caught her by the elbow.

 _"Easy now."_ Hange laughed setting {Name} right on her feet.


	25. Chapter 25

Damp and dully lit the hall of the holding cells smelt of death, blood and decay. Coming with its own atmospheric music the occasional cough, rattle of chains and dripping of stagnant water added to the dreadful atmosphere.

Eyes closed {Name} sucked in deep breaths, it wasn't hard to decipher the cries, the strained moans and the agonised screaming. Each one identifiable, it was Armin who was the loudest.

Passing by each cell {Name}'s fingers thrummed the ice like metal. In the other hand was a single knife, it tapped against her thigh in rhythm with the steady beat of her heart.

Stopping at the cell tucked down the end of the hall {Name}'s fingers closed around the bars, eyes searching the darkness they soon landed on the hunched over figure rocking back and forth, hugging their legs.

**\------**

The arrest was a ploy to draw suspicion away from {Name}. Thrown into the cells along with the others after a quick briefing, {Name} found out that Hange was able to pack a punch. One split lip and a popped nose they'd dragged {Name} into the cell opposite and adjacent to Erwin and Mike.

Four days went by, and their treatment got no better. At one stage Mike was physically dragged back to his cell and spent more than four hours unconscious from their beating. Erwin was no better, shoulder still baring the bullet wound, it was ripped open, his shoulder, arm and chest coated in blood, he was pale and clammy.

It was when they were taken back in for questioning, that Keith approached {Name}'s cell, unlocking it.

 _"We've left one at the end,"_ he announced casually spinning the knife between finger and thumb of the opposite hands _"You know what to do."_

**\------**

With the key in hand, it shook fiercely. Many attempts made to align it with the lock it scraped in the barrel before a dull thunk announced it was unlocked.

In the corner the man cried out, hands covering his head he whimpered, begged and pleaded.

Swallowing the rising bile {Name} swung open the door, feet heavy it took a great deal of effort to pass over the threshold. Fingers cold and clammy they fidgeted for a better hold on the handle of the knife.

 _"Berthl,"_ whispering into the dark room {Name} felt the hot sting of tears, they clouded the edge of her vision _"I'm so sorry."_ Voice wobbling {Name} took a lurching step forward.

Bertholdt's bruised and swollen face came up, confusion, pain and betrayal flashing in the doe eyes, he didn't fight back when {Name} threw her weight at him.

Sitting on Bertholdt's chest {Name} closed a hand tight in the torn and sullied shirt, the armed arm high above her head the tears came thick and fast _"I'm so sorry."_ Repeating the pathetic apology, her chest heaved.

Bertholdt put a hand up, weakly closing it around the wrist holding the knife _"How could you?"_ Dry and rasping his eyes flickered over {Name}'s face _"We protected you!"_ Finding energy Bertholdt's voice boomed, relaying his anger and sense of betrayal.

It nearly broke {Name}'s will. Before it reminded {Name} just how she'd come to be in the position she was.

 _"This was all your fault!"_ Screaming back {Name} fought off Bertholdt's grip, driving the knife down into his chest _"All of it was your fault,"_ again the knife came down.

 _"None of you would have ended up on my doorstep if you hadn't betrayed your own."_ When they'd been separated from Erwin and the others, Bertholdt and Reiner told {Name} everything after some time _"Levi would still be alive."_ It was them, and others who gave up the location of Erwin's unit, though things didn't go as planned and they'd all escaped.

They were meant to be arrested, the ones working alongside the allies were to be released after the ones who were not involved, were dead.

Over and over the knife came down _"I never wanted any part of this!"_ Caught between a scream and a shriek {Name} continued _"It was your fault Levi died. It was your fault I ended up here,"_ hand slathered in a hot liquid {Name} didn't stop, all her pent-up rage was being expelled into Bertholdt _"All of you lied and used me,"_ teeth ground each breath became difficult.

Moblit, Ian, Erd, Gunther, Nile all died because of their lies. Eren was forced to play the role of the ringleader by the others, they blackmailed the young man to do their bidding.

That day in the kitchen, it was not Eren's words that left him, but the ones they'd put in his mouth. It wasn't Eren who killed Nile, but he was set up to take the fall.

It all started to fall apart when they realised Erwin and Mike knew they had somewhere to take refuge. The place of refuge just happened to be {Name}'s home.

Opportunity struck to take down one of the men faithful to the cause when one of the others snuck down to the village and told Pixis of their whereabouts, which allowed Reiner to cut Moblit's throat. In the woods, Bertholdt took down Ian when he'd stumbled across him talking with the French scout who'd been tailing them.

As for Erd, they'd not needed to do anything as {Name} unwittingly set him up to take the fall. At the start wanting to watch them all tear each other apart, {Name} never counted on coming to care, or even love any of them.

It was due to them {Name} was shot under Pixis's orders.

 _"I've become this rotten ugly thing, because of all of you!"_ Voice hoarse {Name} didn't resist when a hand closed on hers and forced the knife out, another coming around her waist to drag her out of the cell.

Blinded by her rage, and the tears {Name} could only watch the blurry figure move to inspect Bertholdt.

 _"Jesus Christ. This is a mess."_ Wolfgang lacked his usual snide tone, it was but a whisper and came with an undertone of shock.

Trembling head to foot {Name} stared down at herself. Red of the deepest shade painted her body and clothes, and none of it was hers.

Rage paving a path for shock, it quickly evaporated. A howling shriek tearing out her mouth {Name} fought back against the person holding her, kicking out when Wolfgang made to silence her.

Between the two men, they tackled {Name} to the floor. One arm up and twisted on her back, Wolfgang dug his knee in the base of her back, a hand forcing her face down on the slimy stone slabs of the floor.

 _"Don't make me put two in your back."_ It wasn't angry, or an order. Wolfgang merely didn't know what else to do to make {Name} stop moving.

Just like when Mike tackled {Name} when she was in reach of her escape, all her fight evaporated in a defeated cry.

Carefully Wolfgang removed the pressure on {Name}, sliding off her back to crouch beside her as she wept into the bloody floor a hand stroked back her hair soothingly.

 _"This isn't over yet,"_ reminding her gently Wolfgang shifted on his feet _"You can't afford to fall apart now."_

As much as {Name} hated it, Wolfgang was right. This wasn't retribution for herself, this was to ensure that no one else faced a senseless death because of her.

There was far too much blood on her hands already from her selfish and cowardly choices, and she wouldn't let another be snared by death because of her.

 


	26. Chapter 26

During the time of {Name}'s captivity the first time, she'd developed a coping mechanism. Separating mind from the body it would drift vacantly, thinking and focusing on anything and everything other than what was being done to her body.

It wasn't wholly foolproof, at times she would slip back and become one again, but it was what kept her sane for the best part of her imprisonment.

Using the same method, {Name} focused on a chipped brick in her cell. The whimpers, cries, rattling chains and heavy breaths all faded to the back of her mind. They were not there, just something that occasionally broke through the walls she'd built around her mind.

Permitted a change of clothes {Name} was returned to the uniform which she'd loathed for the last four years. A bucket or two of ice water thrown over {Name} to wash away the evidence of what she'd done to Bertholdt, they'd thrown her back in the cell.

Left to hug her body to fight off the chill, it ran bone deep, blood running like ice through her veins, she ached head to foot.

{Name}'s wounds again were internal, it was only the vacant stare that displayed what was going on inside, and rarely did she break eye contact with the wall.

Briefly {Name} turned when one of the cells on the other side of the hall were opened. Finally, Erwin was on his knees and being dragged back to his cell.

The want to check and know that Erwin was alright -other the poor physical state he was in- the urge was swallowed down.

Returning to face the wall {Name}'s teeth continued to chatter, the tremble in her body growing more ferocious with each passing day, her fingers were so numb {Name} wasn't even sure she still had them.

Still, {Name} was a whole sight better than the other men. As of yet, no physical harm was done to {Name}. In fact, she was given a truly wide berth by the Gestapo.

In the cell house next to Erwin, was Mike. Face swollen, and potentially trying to soothe a chipped tooth or a cut on the inside of his mouth, his head rolled along the cold brick. The sudden movement made {Name} turn a fraction, which allowed their eyes to meet.

Though Mike looked worse for wear, the edges of his mouth flicked up, as his eyes were crinkled by the smile.

It took {Name} by surprise that he was still able to appear so warm given their situations, but on the other hand, very little ever seemed to deter his mood, or his desire to have what he wanted.

Turning away {Name} sucked in a shallow breath, the stiffness in her hands easing as she wriggled them she returned to watching the wall, though her mind was soon drifting, and leaving behind the prison they were in.

**\----**

Standing centre stage of the dressing room, {Name} caught sight of them first in the mirror's reflection. Creeping around at her waist, they travelled the curve to close on the hips, head lowered the chin brushed over the shoulder.

"You look beautiful." He complimented, their eyes meeting in the mirror the faintest of smiles showed appreciation for the words.

The dress was gifted by Hange, for this one occasion where {Name} was permitted to be in attendance of a function, and not be working. Design simple it hugged at all the necessary parts of her upper body, before fanning out by mid-thigh.

Hair swept up in a simple bun, small and loose curls hung around both ears as the fringe was kept out of the eyes by a quick side sweep.

Being dressed up on many occasions, this was the first where she'd be able to take enjoyment from it.

 _"You're far too early."_ Keeping to a soft whisper {Name}'s gaze wavered from his when a kiss was placed behind one ear _"I wanted to have a sneak peek."_ He countered her complaint, another kiss given, it touched on the sensitive skin of her neck.

Bringing a hand up it slid across the smooth skin of his neck, the fingers curling when her head angled, exposing more as he exchanged gentle pecking kisses for firmer and nipping ones.

Sliding a hand across to meet with the one he stretched over her front, their fingers locked. Tipping her head back to rest on his shoulder their mouths met in a hot and hungry need for each other, body rolling across his until they were chest to chest, neither of them broke the kiss.

Taking the first step {Name} didn't argue the movement, trusting in him not to trip them up, they stopped when the backs of her legs hit their destination. With a hand for guidance on the small of her back, he used his body to lay {Name} down.

Coming out of the kiss briefly for air {Name} waited, his hands searching for the hem of the dress, he used both hands to push it up, the rough tips of his fingers gliding up each thigh, he paused on reaching the top.

It wasn't intended to be a surprise for Mike, that {Name} was absent of her underwear. The idea coming to mind on knowing Erwin and herself would be staying in the rooms above where the function was being held; she wanted as little obstruction to the only time they'd be spending together where they wouldn't have to sneak around.

Mike's expression was the one {Name} expected, a combination of surprise and lust, it ruined what Erwin's would be for her. The element of surprise already gone in the exchange with Mike.

A coy smile had danced over Mike's mouth before he set it back on {Name}'s, a hand slipping between her thighs she mewled at his touch. It was selfish to say, but {Name} missed having Mike as a lover.

Between Erwin and Mike, they were vastly different when it came to intimacy. When with one of them, {Name} was left craving the other.

Quivering under Mike's touch, {Name} pulled at his hip, her own rolling up to meet with his in a hope to encourage Mike to speed up. Though {Name} wished it otherwise, they didn't have much time, and the idea of being forced to stop due to interruption made {Name} impatient.

Mike groaned deep within his throat when {Name} pushed up against him, the hand removed to undo the belt {Name} slid her hand in. The fingers curled around, soft and teasing strokes were made, it caused Mike to falter in getting his trousers down.

 _"Mike."_ Pleading his name it looked to jog his memory of what he was trying to do, distracted and focusing on what {Name} was doing Mike finally pushed his trousers down around his thighs.

It was enough for Mike to finally give {Name} what she wanted, he teased at first, pushing against her but doing little more.

Becoming frustrated {Name} held Mike's face, mouth hovering over his _"Please, Mike."_ Expressing all her want and desire in those two words Mike responded.

Neither of them making an effort to hide the sounds of what they were doing Mike kept his weight off of {Name} with his arms, her fingers sliding up under his shirt they felt across his stomach as the pronounced muscles flexed and tensed.

It was only when {Name} reached up, and sought out Mike's mouth that their bodies came together.

Each of them wrapping their arms around the other's shoulder, their heads angled so their lips could meet.

In time {Name}'s back formed a deep arch, as her hips pushed down, fingers clawing at the back of Mike's shirt her climax was impending.

Hot and heavy, and broken up by a throaty moan Mike pressed his mouth to {Name}'s ear _"If I have to share you with him, I will."_

 

  
**\----**

 

Fingers pressed and rubbing at both eyes {Name} stirred, allowing the memory to fizzle out and return to where it was secured at the back of her mind. Though Mike's words still lingered loud and clear in her head. As of yet {Name} hadn't acquired the opportunity to ask what he'd meant at all, and asking now was undoubtedly out of the question, and the least of her concerns.

It did, however, send her searching for Erwin. The pang of guilt that took hold on finding him slumped against the wall and taking strained breaths through the swelling of his lips, was jarring.

Again, with no intention to be in such a place, she felt torn between the two men. If {Name} was honest with herself, there should not have been any emotional attachment to either of them, their paths should never have crossed as they did.

Burying down into the knees kept close to her chest {Name} took long deep breaths, she was so sure that the place she wanted to be was with Erwin, but as it was now, she wasn't so sure. Trying to relax her thoughts {Name} again let her mind drift.

 

**\----**

 

The carriage rattled and swayed. Ambling along the old tracks at a steady pace the wilderness the train cut through blurred past the window. Impossible to focus on anything {Name} stayed watching the window since leaving the city, a single finger wiping through the condensation that gathered she swirled patterns in the steamed glass.

Departing on the earliest available train it was still dark when stepping onto the locomotive, the passengers small in number time was taken to select a carriage. A private compartment accessible, the blind was drawn down to be further secluded from the other occupants.

The snippet of privacy was the first {Name} was allowed in four years. It was a breath of fresh air to be alone.

_"{Name}."_

Well, almost alone.

Taking the finger away from the window {Name} turned to the person sat opposite, the book held open in their lap closing it was set aside.

 _"You've been quiet all morning,"_ Erwin spoke softly, a small crease in his forehead hinting at his concern.

The morning before when Erwin approached {Name} and mentioned that he was taking three days leave, she'd not thought much of it. Going on the understanding that Erwin would be absent for those days {Name} only responded for him to take care.

At first, Erwin looked taken back, before he'd laughed. Puzzled {Name} gave her full attention to him when Erwin tried to compose himself.

It was a rare thing to see Erwin laugh, let alone hear it. Being more subtle in his amusements, it sounded odd to {Name} at first, but it did give her insight to his more relaxed self. After sometime Erwin had cleared his throat, before explaining that he was asking for {Name} to accompany him.

It took {Name} a minute or two to understand before she'd smiled. A smile that faded on realising that it was no longer Erwin who needed to authorise her absences. Explaining to Erwin that {Name} would need to ask Shadis for permission, he'd looked withdrawn, a stiff nod answering Erwin retreated from the room.

Luckily on finding Keith, he'd been in a good mood. After a quick explanation Keith waved her off, warning {Name} of the consequences should she try and run. The warning pointless {Name} understood Keith's need to give it. With the news of the impending trip, Hange arranged more appropriate attire for {Name}, enough for the three days she'd be away.

Head tilted {Name} smoothed out the dress she was wearing, a heeled foot bobbing a slight shake of the head answered Erwin _"I was just thinking."_ Speaking quietly a finger returned to weaving through the steamed up window.

Unfolding his legs, Erwin sat forward from his seat _"About?"_ Keeping his voice low his fingers hooked the palm of the hand on {Name}'s knee.

Thumb running circles on the back of it {Name} met his gaze, a small smile curving her mouth _"Everything."_ Diverting her gaze back to the window {Name} sighed heavily _"Where are we going?"_ Trying to hold Erwin off from prying further she rearranged their hands, her fingers following the lines of his palm, the index traced the scar in its centre.

Staring at their hands, Erwin smiled _"My hometown."_ Eyes brought up when {Name}'s fingers left the palm of his hand Erwin sat back, bringing the two halves of his coat together _"Do you know what date it is tomorrow?"_ Raising the question, Erwin half smiled when {Name}'s brow curved up.

Did tomorrow's date hold significance?

By Erwin's face, though blank, {Name} got a strong feeling that it was important. Carefully sifting through the abundance of information and dates stored to memory {Name} pinched softly at her bottom lip. The date meant something personal to Erwin, that much {Name} knew with certainty.

Looking up suddenly the hand left {Name}'s lip alone _"October 14th,"_ announcing the date {Name} didn't miss Erwin's hand start to move to his face _"Your birthday."_ She added softly.

The hand lingering around Erwin's chest a dead stare turned on {Name}. Face flushing with embarrassment {Name} looked away when Erwin coughed, poorly disguising a laugh _"Your dad mentioned it in a letter."_ Excusing herself {Name} snuck a glance at Erwin when his head tilted away.

A few moments of silence stretched between them, the sounds of the train which had fallen away to be background noise creeping back, {Name} adjusted in the seat.

 _"Is that why you took leave?"_ Querying the purpose of the short break {Name} watched Erwin from the corner of her eye. Like {Name} he was staring off in the opposite direction, a quiet hum partially answering the question Erwin tapped a finger on his knee _"It's one of the reasons."_ Head-turning back to {Name} an expression painted across his face that made {Name}'s chest lurch.

It wasn't a fearful reaction.

Away from duties, and the main war front Erwin was the picture of calm and relaxed. The non-stop blank stare of unreadable intention fading with the length of their journey {Name} finally saw the Erwin that she'd fallen in love with via his father's letters. The kind, considerate, respectful and intelligent man sitting across from {Name} was the man she'd come to know with each inked description of him.

Though Erwin's appearance was quite the opposite to what {Name} painted in her mind, it didn't change the man that he truly was. If their circumstances of meeting were different {Name} knew with utmost certainty, her feelings towards him would be no different.

 _"Erwin,"_ whispering his name {Name} lent forward when he faced her. Catching his face between her hands {Name} met Erwin in a direct gaze, the slight furrow of his brow relaxing when {Name} gave a timid smile _"Mon amour."_ Not even reaching a whisper she placed a gentle kiss on him when his hand curled at her waist.

  
  
**\----**

Biting fiercely on her lip {Name} hugged tighter at her legs, the hot sting of tears collecting at the edges of her eyes. During the small three day break, Erwin finally made clear his ulterior intention behind it. The occasion wasn't fancy, or even all that romantic, but he'd finally presented {Name} with the ring he'd promised all those years before when they were sat at the kitchen table in the cottage, and asked the question that accompanied it.

{Name}'s answer was quick, barely a second was taken to think about it, but she'd let Erwin place the ring on her finger.

 


	27. Chapter 27

Their escape was by no description bold or daring. It was pure potluck. Unbeknownst to them at the time, Adolf Hitler committed suicide. The Axis powers were crumbling, and defeat looked imminent.

It was these turns of events, that allowed them all to go free. In the weeks preluding the German armies scattered attempts to keep the allies back, they were forgotten.

Cell left unlocked by Wolfgang, he'd tossed {Name} the keys before rushing off. No explanation, or word as to what was going on, she set about unlocking the others and setting them free.

In the process, {Name} also set herself free, running from the prison with one thing in mind. There were things {Name} needed to set in motion before she could do anything else.

It was with these things completed and in place that {Name} entered the building. The old offices upturned and gutted by the war that was now on Germany's borders.

After all, there was nothing to gain or lose now.

Putting a bullet in the head of Keith and Hange saw to it that if any repercussion came, it would be directly dealt on {Name}.

Word already long sent to Olou to take Petra and their small brood out of the city, {Name} didn't act until it was confirmed they were all safe.

It was the news that they were safe that lead {Name} to start her cypher. No detail spared for the man {Name} regaled five and a half long years of lies.

The allies were making a bloody assault to retake the lands occupied by Germany and its allies, the walls were crashing down around them. And {Name} intended to end the game on the winning side. She'd fought too long and hard, to have everything fall apart in her hands now.

To anyone else they would assume that he was relatively calm to the news being delivered. {Name} knew better, the tremble in his jaw the only visible indicator.

Angry, livid, incensed, raging.

The myriad of ways to describe anger could all be attached to him at that moment, and {Name} understood it all.

From the word go, the wheel was turning against Erwin.

Holding nothing back {Name} calmly told him everything. Who gave their location away, Nile being shot for trying to keep Erwin's father alive, Moblit's throat being cut. Dot Pixis landing on {Name}'s doorstep, Ian being stabbed. The trap laid that took Gunther. All of it was a grand and master plan headed by Mike.

Everything and anything was laid bare to Erwin, there was no need in hiding it anymore.

 _"At the start, I helped him. I helped him willingly."_ There was not a single tremor in her voice, what need was there for her to be scared now?

 _"I worked against you, assisted in removing those who were loyal and willing to follow your every order,"_ forcing back the lump that started to take form when Erwin's eyes closed {Name} steamed on, she couldn't stop now.

 _"You deserved it. Every knife I put in your back, you earned Erwin."_ Teeth ground together each word came fiercer than the previous one _"You took my life in your hands and tore it to pieces like it was nothing."_ A single finger flicked out it was pointed at his feet, as though to better deliver her words.

 _"It was never your decision to make, to take Levi's life. I never wanted him dead, I just wanted him to be the man I came to love again. The man I married."_ Refraining from shouting {Name} sucked in a long breath _"It was your warped interpretation of my letters, your own selfish agenda that misguided you."_

After five long years of holding back all the thoughts and feelings, she'd harboured since they met in the physical, and not through the letters {Name} felt the chains she'd kept them locked down with unravel. Everything needed to be aired, Erwin needed to know all of it.

 _"I don't even know or understand how or why, but I fell in love with you."_ It came in a whisper, her nerves nearly bailing on her when Erwin looked up at her again _"I didn't want to carry on working against you, I didn't want to do any of it."_

Catching a breath, {Name} pressed the back of her hand to her mouth _"It's why I so readily accepted the deal with the Gestapo. I was no longer putting obstacles in your way, but removing them. Call it a guilt thing, but I did what I could for you."_

Debris skittered over the floor, the bone-deep vibrations of the tanks manoeuvring through the city were getting closer.

Teeth hooked on the bottom lip {Name}'s words ran dry, her thoughts seized up, there was only one more thing that came to mind.

It didn't fit with everything she'd laid at Erwin's feet, it would probably only come across as a feeble plea to have him lower the gun he'd locked on her from the second she'd entered the room.

It was all that {Name} had left to offer him. Even with the way Erwin was looking at her like she was the most disgusting thing he'd laid eyes on.

Clutching at the single ring that hung around her neck {Name} met with Erwin's gaze.

_"You were my home, Erwin."_

Erwin didn't move an inch, there was no immediate reaction from him. Still, their eyes remained focused intently on the other, hers pleading, his were void and empty of anything.

Like {Name} expected, the sentiment fell on deaf ears.

Erwin's thumb flicked up, the safety long removed there was one final piece of preparation before all he needed to do was pull the trigger. With a resounding metallic click, it was readied, Erwin's arm steady it was pointed square for {Name}'s chest.

{Name} wasn't sure what she'd expected from Erwin, but the fact he gave her nothing other than a dead stare and his silence made it that little more excruciating.

To have finally given him all the answers he'd sought from {Name} from day one, the glimmer of hope that he would give her even a word in return faded away.

All {Name} wanted, needed was something, even if it was Erwin denouncing what he felt for her.

 _"{Name},"_ his mouth relaxed, his smile, the one he'd exposed after {Name} officially agreed to marry him, drifted across his lips _"You will always be my home."_

At the final word, Erwin closed a finger in the trigger.


	28. Chapter 28

 

A single bullet sat in the chamber.

 

It was all {Name} had left. It was all that {Name} needed.

 

One singular shot, and it would bring it all to an end.

 

Aligning the right eye with the scope, {Name} exhaled slowly, the burning in her lungs reminding {Name} she was still alive, that she'd made it to this point.

 

Only a few hundred feet stood between {Name} and them. The two men oblivious to the gun barrel baring down upon them, far more focused on each other.

 

Mike's large hands were wrapped around Erwin's throat, they'd been there for some time, attempting to choke the very breath Erwin was struggling to take in, out of him.

 

{Name} was only going to get one attempt, she couldn't afford to miss.

 

Arranging the shaking hands more carefully around the barrel and trigger, the butt made her shoulder ache.

 

Pulled hard against the body {Name} was forced to hold it as such, shaking from the near miss with the bullet Erwin intended to put in her head, she felt as though her mind and body wanted to shut down.

 

A thick congealed liquid sealed the left eye closed, the gash a result of the bullet, it made her head pound.

 

Blinded partially due to the injury, the other eye was no better. It blurred and watered out of focus, blinking repetitively {Name} could only hope it would not interfere with her aim.

 

Head jerking up {Name} spied Mike and Erwin, their bodies bloody, the words exhibited in ire faded to a one-sided conversation.

 

Erwin's attempts to remove Mike from his neck were becoming slow, and lacking in energy.

 

Though it appeared Mike was the one with the upper hand, the knife that stuck out from beneath his ribs told a different story.

 

Neither man looked ready to back down, and though Erwin's movements were slow and disordered, he managed to drive the knife further into Mike's chest.

 

{Name} did not have time, the shot needed to be made.

 

Now.

 

Sucking in a long, agonised breath {Name}'s chest burned under strain, the right eye no better than before, her finger closed on the trigger.

 

Kicking back onto {Name}'s shoulder the lower arm tingled, the gun dropped as her body rolled to the side, a hand clapped over the throbbing shoulder.

 

Panting through the pain spreading not only down the right arm but across her head {Name} listened and waited.

 

Germany having descended into hell once the allies made an aggressive assault to take it, they'd arrived with vigour and determination. Germany's forces stretched thin, and hopelessly trying to fight a battle on two fronts, they were feeling the repercussion of their mistakes.

 

Day by day, they were pushed back. The streets running red, it no longer mattered who it belonged to.

 

All that mattered, was that it was finally coming to an end.

 

Bunked down in the rubble of what once was a building {Name} ignored the brick and mortar stabbing at her back. Not even the steady rain falling, kissing her hot skin distracted or bothered {Name}.

 

The only thing {Name} wanted to know, was whether she'd hit her target.

 

Drowning out the gunfire, the screams and shouts of fear and pain, and the tank engines {Name}'s ears were tuned only for one noise, waiting to hear one voice.

 

If {Name} failed to take him down, then everything would have been for nothing.

 

Realising that she wasn't exactly breathing {Name} rolled onto her side, air rushing in {Name} roused her body from its petrified state.

Hands crawling over the jagged brick {Name} pushed her body along by the knees, the fabric covering them snagging and tearing as they moved forward.

 

Using an arm to hook over the top {Name} close to threw her body up, using the shaky defence wall to allow the lone eye to peer out across the darkened street.

 

Lit up by the raging fire that spread behind them, the silhouette was blacked out, obscuring identification {Name}'s chest squeezed and twisted painfully.

 

A body lay among the debris, while another rested on all fours. Their positioning giving away nothing to who was who, {Name} gave a final push.

 

Standing {Name} staggered over the edge of the small defence trench, mustering what little energy she possessed {Name} sprinted across the road.

 

Dismissing the risk of the ongoing conflict gripping the city, {Name} could only hope she'd stay out of the path of a stray bullet.

 

It felt like years passed {Name} by before she reached them, boots slipping on the wet and muck painted pavement {Name} threw herself at the man now resting on his knees.

 

Arms wrapped tight around his neck {Name}'s feet pushed against the pavement to bring her body as close as physically possible to him.

 

Fingers closing tightly in the back of his hair {Name} ignored the man's pained objection to her rough handling.

 

The relief in knowing that she'd not missed was short lived. Neither of them was gifted with time to embrace the fact they were both still breathing, not when the city was under siege.

 

With an arm stretched across his back {Name} let him put his weight on her when he stood up. Knees almost buckling under the strain, she tensed the muscles to steady them.

 

 _"Where do we go?"_ Whimpering the question {Name}'s gaze slanted to the man's beside her, a quiver in her lips giving a hint to the pent-up emotions she was forced to lock down.

 

Breathing slow, and hitching he looked from {Name} to the city being raised to the ground around them.

 

 _"Stay close, and don't let go of my hand."_ As he spoke a hand reached out, the bruised and bloodied digits closing around her shaking hand, a wobbly step, to begin with, it eventually broke into a run.

 

Keeping close, {Name} somehow managed to match pace with him, the adrenaline renewed it rushed through her veins, pumping her with false energy.

 

Head twisting {Name} cast a glance back at the man she'd taken down. Laying as though he could simply be asleep, {Name} blinked away the tears that collected in her right eye.

 

Squeezing tighter to the hand of the man moving with a vigour she didn't think possible after the blows he'd come to, {Name}'s heart swelled in a combination of love, and regret.


	29. Chapter 29

By the May of 1945, they surrendered.

VE Day was cause for celebration for many, but for those whose loved ones were already gone, or whereabouts unknown, it was but another day.

Having successfully slipped back across the border and returned to France mere days before the allies crashed through properly, she was for the first time in a long time, alone.

In the lead up to the climax of what was a calamitous six years {Name} put her all into the last weeks of planning.

It was successful.

All went to plan, and though her heart still bore wounds and ached in longing, she was happy.

Back home in France {Name} was forced to return to Paris and move in with her parents. It was not all bad, as knowing they'd seen another war through was cause for immense relief.

Another was on finding Olou and Petra, and both of their children were alive. No lingering resentment for {Name}'s betrayal it was learnt in the passing months that a good and strong verdict from Dot Pixis was the only reason her neck was not meeting the guillotine.

One more small grace was that at the time France was occupied {Name} was in the guise of a man.

Having passed many women with their hair shaved off, she'd discovered it was an act to publicly humiliate and announce to everyone that those women had been lovers of their occupiers, some even baring them children.

Sitting quietly at the window table of the coffee shop {Name} drank in the careful and articulate words of the letter that arrived that morning. It was brief and eluding many details, but it let {Name} understand that there was a strong belief that he was dead.

With the war trials still underway, {Name} knew that he'd been arrested and awaiting trial.

There was no word for some time, the not knowing made worse by the knowledge that many of the SS, was given the death penalty.

_"Mama?"_

Head coming up {Name} smiled before reaching across the table, wiping away the lingering crumbs on Caleb's cheek _"Yes?"_

Waiting for Caleb to finish squirming and sit straight {Name} watched the smile fade from his face _"Daddy isn't coming home."_

Hearing Caleb's words {Name} froze in her seat, chest tight it felt as though someone pulled her heart out through her back. Lost for how to respond {Name} bit down on her lip, chair pushed back as Caleb's quiet tears became heavy sobbing she rushed around to his side of the table.

Holding Caleb tight, {Name} rocked and swayed gently hushing him as he clung tighter than he ever had to her front.

There was nothing {Name} could say, all she could do was keep a hold on him and wait out his tears, and keep back her own.

Like many other children {Name} saw their pain and suffering, the wondering and longing to have their fathers home. Many of them, would never be coming back.

 _"It's ok."_ Quietly soothing {Name} put a hand on the back of Caleb's head, rising up slowly a hand dug in a pocket to dig out the coinage for their drinks and food, she tossed it on the table.

With her head tucked down on Caleb's they left the small cafe, it being one of the few places the allied soldiers did not venture into {Name} chose it for that very reason.

Though thankful to be liberated, it was not all good news with their presence.

Men were men, and they'd been away from home for a long time. And France just so happened to have women in abundance.

With Caleb present, they would bare {Name} little attention, but if and when the small snippets of time came where she'd leave the house alone, it made for a less than pleasant time.

It was for this very reason {Name} kept her head down, and hurried along the road.

Turning the corner of her parent's road, {Name} brought up her head, carefully sliding Caleb down he held tight to her end two fingers.

Hunched over and sitting on the bottom steps of {Name}'s parents house a cigarette hung from the corner of his mouth.

Short of breath {Name}'s free hand patted anxiously at her chest as it squeezed tight, each beat of her heart was felt and {Name} barely had time to respond before Caleb was running towards him.

{Name} watched as the man's head came up when Caleb called after him, the cigarette was thrown down he stood from the steps arms open and waiting to receive the small boy charging at him.

Frozen to the spot {Name} struggled to breathe, watching him spin Caleb, the happy laughter soon becoming tears he held Caleb tightly to him, allowing the small boy to sob on his shoulder.

Still, {Name} didn't move, not until he looked up the street their eyes locking his hand was held out, beckoning for her.

Uncertain at first {Name} almost took a step back, before her mind coordinated, and just like Caleb, she ran the length of the street.

Having set Caleb down on the steps both his arms were held wide and waiting for {Name}. Jumping into them both arms were thrown around his shoulders, knees squeezed in at his narrow waist she buried herself in his neck _"I thought you were dead."_

Crying out the words {Name}'s arms relented in their hold, the fingers holding his face they brushed over the soft bristles of hair that lined his jaw.

 _"I was acquitted."_ He answered softly, tipping forward to capture {Name}'s mouth with his before another word could be said.

On the steps Caleb hopped side to side, hands clapping together as he sung his own song.

_"Daddy is home, daddy came home."_


	30. Chapter 30

Head resting on the man's chest the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat threatened to lull {Name} back to sleep. Half-lidded eyes staring vacantly at the window, a breeze travelling through the net curtain, it picked and played with the white fabric, billowing out its bottom edges.

Fingers tracing the defined muscles that stretched the man's stomach {Name}'s mouth curved at the edges when he stirred, the hand at her waist drifting up the bare skin to close around a shoulder.

 

 _"What time is it?"_ Questioning the hour one arm raised to bring the heel of his hand to rub at each sleep filled eye _"A little after seven."_ Answering {Name} twisted her head to place a kiss on the chest, watching it rise with each slow inhale.

 

Four years felt like they'd slipped by since the night {Name} took the shot that brought a final, bloody end to the love triangle she'd been wrapped in. Each breath the man took, every touch, and all the whispered words reminded {Name} of how close she'd come to losing the man lying beside her.

 

Combing through the hair that spilt across the mattress behind, a yawn filled the man's chest, the broad stretch of skin rising it brought {Name}'s head up, her chin resting on one of the pectoral muscles she gazed at him warmly.

 

Eyes meeting a faint smile had drifted across his mouth before he put space between their bodies to roll {Name} onto her back. Lips meeting lazily, he soon cut a path down to her neck when his much larger body filled the gap between her thighs.

 

Wrapping a leg around his waist, the other stretched down to curl around his leg, head tilted to further expose her neck when his mouth left a heated trail of kisses down onto her collarbone.

Fingers combing up the back of the messy head of hair {Name}'s legs relaxed when he moved down her body, the broad back arching up when small fluttering kisses spread across her stomach.

 

Tongue flicking out over the bottom lip, it helped suck it back to be gripped between the teeth when he bit lightly on the inner thigh, a breathy moan coming forth from {Name} she settled back against the pillows.

 

_"Mum!"_

 

A loud cry from outside the door broke the building tension, his head coming up to fall on {Name}'s stomach a loud sigh left him as he rolled away to his side of the bed.

 

Covering their exposed bodies {Name} curled a finger under his chin, a gentle peck placed to the corner of his frowning mouth _"There will be plenty of time later."_ Assuring that they'd pick up at a later point, {Name} smiled when his mouth curved into a happier visage.

 

 _"Mum, can I come in?"_ Caleb called loudly through the door, the handle already turning before a reply could be given, it opened a crack when {Name} rested back on the headboard.

 

Blonde, brown hair that skirted just above the eyes appeared first, followed by a nose, and a hauntingly familiar, cheeky grin _"It's Sunday,"_ he spoke quietly _"You promised we were going to go into town."_ With a narrowed gaze Caleb watched {Name} carefully, apparently looking for a hint that she'd forgotten.

 

In truth, {Name} had.

 

Patting the edge of the bed {Name} smiled when Caleb rushed into the room, already dressed, the only thing missing was his socks and shoes _"We're still going."_ Telling Caleb her intention to keep the promise, {Name} held out her arm when Caleb climbed onto her side of the bed, his small body tucking in against her side she hugged him close.

 

Nudging a foot to the other occupant of the bed Caleb looked across at the man still laid flat on the bed _"Are you coming too, dad?"_ With excitement painted brightly in Caleb's eyes, he waited for a response in eager anticipation.

 

A large hand falling on the boys head, a smile warmed up the man's face _"Of course."_

 

Laughing excitedly Caleb climbed across {Name} to settle in between them, his body wriggling down the headboard until he was comfortable.

 

Feeling a tug on the edge of the bedsheets {Name} cast her gaze down. Two large, frighteningly blue eyes stared up at {Name} as two small hands reached up. Bringing the little girl up to sit in her lap {Name}'s fingers combed through the corkscrew blonde curls of her daughter.

 

It was a shock, and an entirely unexpected.

 

For years {Name} was led to believe that conceiving a child would be impossible, the blunder of the doctor who performed the caesarian many years before, taking away the necessary parts. That was until a few weeks after the liberation of France and {Name} found herself in a doctor's office, being told that she was expecting.

 

At the time it made no sense to {Name}, no cautionary methods were undertaken when she engaged in sex with Levi, Mike or Erwin. {Name} even told the doctor as much, adamant his diagnosis was wrong.

 

When {Name} returned home, she'd kept the news quiet from the man sitting beside her, still believing the reason for her sickness and unusual tiredness was something else.

 

Though a few months down the line, {Name} could no longer dismiss it, not when they'd been laying in bed, and his hand cupped beneath the small swelling of her stomach. Like {Name} had been the day the news was delivered, he'd been in some form of denial. Knowing full well that {Name} should not have been able to carry a child, they'd proceeded through the months in a daze.

 

The ever-present question between them was who the father was.

 

One whole day spent in labour, and a healthy baby girl placed in {Name}'s arms, answered the question of who her father was in a matter of seconds.

 

Continuing to attempt to tame the unruly curls {Name}'s chest ached. It always did when Nixie looked at {Name}, the eyes exact replicas of the man who fathered her, their only difference was that Nixie's were open and warm at all times.

_"We're going into town Nix,"_ Caleb cooed at the small girl, his arms open and ready when Nixie rather lazily tipped forward into the waiting embrace _"And we'll be going soon?"_ With Nixie's head tucked under Caleb's chin they both wore beaming and expectant smiles _"Is dad coming?"_ Twisting in Caleb's hold, Nixie blinked expectantly at the man beside them, slight hesitation in replying when Nixie addressed him.

 

 _"I'll get ready."_ Lamenting that he was being forced out of bed sooner than he would have liked he finally sat up, a finger tickling the underside of Nixie's chin, she giggled and squirmed to get away _"Go and play, we'll be down soon."_ Ushering both of the excited children off the bed, and out of the room, his brow pinched in the centre when the door slammed behind them.

 

 _"They get that from you,"_ leaning across the sheets {Name} draped her body over his, head resting in his lap when a hand came to brush through her hair once more _"Have you noticed?"_

Daring to breach the question {Name} waited for a response that he was listening, her tongue flicking anxiously across both lips when he sighed quietly _"Day by day, it's like I'm looking at him again."_ Cautiously {Name} spoke, the hand in her hair falling away {Name} waited, she knew it wasn't just herself to have noticed the almost unbearable likeness.

 

Fingers reaching around, they gripped {Name}'s face, turning her head and forcing her body to roll to its side to look up at the man lingering over her _"Do you regret the choice you made?"_ Letting the question dangle between them {Name}'s eyes closed.

 

Reliving the memory of the crucial shot {Name} had taken, another vicious swell consumed her chest. Balancing between love and regret the decision made, {Name}'s eyes opened slowly again.

 

Throwing her body up, both arms wound tightly around his neck, much like they had that night. Sitting side by side, he was forced to lean over, a hand on her back, the other closed at the back of her neck.

 

Parts of {Name} did regret the choice, to watch his child run around, and grow without him at {Name}'s side, sent her heart and body longing to have him with her again.

In the same breath, watching the man who she'd chosen step into place, and fill the role of being a father to both, made her decision worthwhile.

 

In the matter of Erwin and Mike, she'd loved them both. However {Name} loved the man, who was once more trying to reignite their earlier passions, that little bit more.

 

Allowing him to lay her down again, and assured that the children were off playing and distracted {Name} held his face in her hands, eyes drinking in every little detail, she eventually closed her mouth around his eagerly.

It didn't matter how many times they'd kissed, or how many more they would, but it still managed to leave her with the very same feeling he'd given her the first time.

 

 _"I love you--"_ cut off by his lips capturing hers, a smile danced between their connected mouths.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who took the time to read this series. 
> 
> I wrote Quisling in just under two weeks, and Perfidy, Duplicity & Mendacious took around three months each; & honestly this was the most gruelling, but rewarding thing I have ever written. & I planned none of it, this was all a spur of the moment piece, started back in the September of 2016. Though I think many believe or assume that this was all carefully planned, it wasn't. The only part that was, was the third from last chapter of this part of the series. 
> 
> So, I hope you were able to enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. 
> 
> Also, kudos to anyone who guesses correctly to who survived, 
> 
> Thank you again for all your support, you're all wonderful!


	31. A small little fact

Reader's true last name, Fuchs - is German for Fox. 

An animal typically considered sneaky, cunning, and untrustworthy - an accurate depiction of the role she played. 

 

 


End file.
